Bisaya Short Films

Dead Cat, Kafka On The Shore and The White Ribbon

2011-03-09T06:03:00.000-08:00

Even if I almost immediately stared away from it I knew the cat was dead because its innards were gushed out of its body in a dried so-burnt-it-was-white kind of way. I also knew I had to look away from it because I keep photos of cats with funny captions from Cheezburger Network on my phone. My phone has actually no cellular connection so other than its look it really has nothing to do with being the usual communication gadget most people who didn't get the chance to learn the conflict mineral issue in Congo, have. The Congo issue basically says your cellphone parts are most likely mined and produced by raped little girls.

The dead cat reminded me of Haruki Murakami's Kafka On The Shore. Although the dead cat I saw was in certain degrees supposed to be more haunting because not only is no one certain who is most likely to blame for the cat's death, people around the lying cat on the road can't also seem to be bothered to even get it away from the streets so it won't be ran over again. For the third time. Or even none, since who is to say the cat wasn't hammered to blotches by a group of Cebuano twelve-year-olds who took literally Michael Haneke's White Ribbon?

A Good Year

2011-02-16T18:51:00.000-08:00

I was in the kind of coffee shop where the barista tries to up your order of Tall Mocha Latte and you realize there's not that much reason to say No, so you spend extra 10 bucks for something you knew right away you'll feel bad about later.

And then I start to read. Then think about Marion Cotillard's substituted line in A Good Year, the movie being screened in this cafe's free TV. Then I realize how wrong I was in railing against this movie. Who would've thought this movie could be this brilliant if we didn't let all the actors talk and just stream running images of Russell Crowe and Marion Cotillard?

Then of course I had to watch these ladies in front of me lay-out a photo album. It's partly a scrapbook, because they're using green paper-cut-outs shaped into those kind of round flowers you make as a kid. Those flower shapes that never seem to capture any real flower's shape, if you think about it.

Then I was now watching the barista watch these ladies finish their scrapbook. And then I hear her tell the lady customers, "Wow! That's really good. "

Whatever happened to conflict of interest, I'm happy.

The Status of Minor Cebuano Addicts

2011-01-09T08:34:00.000-08:00

The other night there was a theatre show in celebration for town fiesta a few blocks away from where I was sitting, which might as well be a celebration of everyday, considering it's easier to count the days we're not celebrating one than the opposite. It was presented as mainly about a guy who was doing drugs and felt like a big failure at the end. Then he supposedly realized he was wrong and should've followed his parents' advice.

Now I don't know about you, but if trying to solve this problem is now just being dismissed as to be this simple, I'd have every crap I own ebay-ed pronto so I can totally start shoveling all those druggy cooly thingies down my dried N-methylamphetamin-virgin throat. For if this is now how everyone generally seems to don't give a quack about the day to day insanity-driving struggle to prevent and cope with having a drug-committed kid and the people most likely to be doing drugs are certainly not the most adaptable and cared for among the lot as it is, then you would be crazy not to think you might as well just be doing the thing, right? Unlike the other, at least drugging still might have some remotely even almost impossible chance of height worthy to still look forward to in such circumstances.

Cebuanos, think it through. Or you might end up getting the wrong kind of kids to raise.

Super Inday and The Golden Bibe and The Duck Under Marian Rivera's Skirt

2010-12-31T03:25:00.000-08:00

Although I could barely remember anything about the movie except that Maricel Soriano and Aiza Seguerra were both entertaining in it, the original Super Inday is one of my rare memories of early great Philippine Cinema. Which makes this sort of review of the Marian Rivera version Super Inday and The Golden Bibe directed by Michael Tuviera a worthwhile year-ender task. Not that her skin and comedic timing couldn't be reason enough. As far as I'm concerned she isn't really Dingdong Dantes' woman. And no I'm also not writing this review just because I feel my P160 should get me more. Well, I kind of am, but that's not the point. Here are:

1. Pokwang's funny here, as she always professionally is. Her all-out almost always screaming tone though when she does jokes can be painful to watch. It almost feels like it'll be no time before her voice gets turned into Gollum's. Also, her klajsdgchukar rua language is a perfect signal Pinoy language's about to be universal. Mylene Dizon's "That woman is in my pool" (still makes me laugh as of this writing) deserves a place in classic Filipino lines. Along with "Bababa ba?" and "Mommy, yung sharpener ko hindi na sharp."

2. Holy creep there's an actual duck under Marian Rivera's Skirt. Duck. Under. Marian Rivera's Skirt. Sounds like they're one letter away to get rated R.

3. Something awkward with the Tagalog dialogue. Especially on supposedly dramatic scenes. Or maybe they're also supposed to be funny. Like a joke on how bad Tagalog movie writers could write.

4. Credit to the writers. When Jake Cuenca tells Jestoni and Mylene, "Ang ganda ng garden niyo/You have a beautiful garden, " you can barely see a garden. There were some flowers, but they're obviously made of Japanese paper. Good job. Also, the barong-wearing zombies' choreography is superb. Finally some concrete EDUCATIONAL proof that SHOWTIME losers have a bright future.

5. I'm partial to Elephantiasis-suffering robots and other toys. There was literally no scene that involved them that I didn't blurt my self out laughing to full shame. Super Inday and The Golden Bibe could have sequels and it's unlikely that I'll miss it if it still involves the same Marian and Robotic bodies.

6. That precocious "mambobote" (Person who sells used bottles for a living) saying something like "Bakit? Proud naman ako sa marangal kong trabaho" sounds a bit like a social commentary on the plight of Filipino minors. I guess there's nothing really wrong with collecting bottles all day as a job to feed a family of six because both your two fathers and two grandmothers are bed-ridden and your two sisters are currently both in Grade 4 for the second time, but being able to eat 2 days a meal instead of one could be a better option. How about this: get that kid to live an Erap Estrada life for a month then ask him if he still wants to be a mambobete afterwards. If not, let's continue abusing Filipinos' knack for adapting and keep on saying that getting almost no wage is actually better. Because, hey, it's not like money matters in heaven.

Hi! My Name is UltraMean and I don't care if my house is this big and I'm this small.

7. When dealing with Abandonment Issues, do not oversimplify. Consider the issue of whether to forgive irresponsible parents as a sex scene in a PG movie like Toy Story: it's a taboo that nobody in the right mind would do. See, I even made you a rhyme.

8. Jestoni Alarcon's role tells me this: Don't have kids if you're the kind of father who owns a land the size of two U.P. Diliman campus and still want to go to Europe and leave your kids to some househelp you just got literally outside your house because you're still in need and want of money. Old and troubled enough kids kill.

9. You know that question about where ducks go when it's cold? Super Inday and The Golden Bibe might have the answer I can live with.

10. Skip this if you can't handle scientific truth: Some of the dreams where Marian Rivera is involved cause me to lose not less than half a cup of bodily fluid. Please don't judge...her.

Wow I never thought the reasons could be a Top 10, too. Well, it really wouldn't have been if I included there this most important lesson I learned from Marian Rivera's Super Inday: to survive a Philippine city sometimes you need to assume that cars talk.

Happy New Year Marian Rivera and to my 5 Million Readers (Did I say 5 million? I meant 6). Call me. No, really. Please. If you're not Marian Rivera, can you tell me what you think of her in general, if not in this movie?

How To Ignore The Global Warming And Still Live An Awesome Life

2010-12-29T21:31:00.000-08:00

"Marine organisms mistake them for food and nibble on them, leading to their death. " - by Anna Oposa on the dangers of plastic in Definitely Filipino's blog post "one sachet at a time"

Then why bother trying to save ourselves from the supposedly environmental hazards of plastic when we can simply blame it to the fact that animals, specifically Marine organisms, are plain dumb beings who deserve to just die? Hey, don't get me wrong: I hate animals. Because it's not like there's even a theory that we humans are by-product animals of time's evolution, right? Even the most blasphemous couldn't bring themselves to saying that God is a dolphin because that's not in the Bible along with everything else that I personally don't approve of. It's not like there's even a theory that can say we're like them and shut up about the fact that I look like a monkey. Why should we think of that when we know there's God that knows what's best for me? Whatever the environment problem is, I'm pretty sure God has enough lifeboats to give us when the iceberg's about to reach my home. Like what happened in Ondoy. Which no matter how you argue it, I know God has a plan for that too. Just see and wait. And don't be reasonable and stop worrying about that idiotic fact that you no longer live where cats don't. And not for the reason that you're above them, cats. Although in a way you kind of are, but let's not get into that for argument's sake.

Also, who said that Fish matter? The science that says Global Warming exists which you clearly know is just pure fraud that's out to stop you from purchasing 18 more iPhones because it's your dream to get complete hearing loss not by using one music player for 18 straight days but by using 12? The 6 others are used for paper weights. Because isn't that also your dream? And even if fish really do, it's not like we can't find healthier versions of them in Pork, Lizard Intestines, Polar Bear innards when they die of exhaustion because of melted ice, Panda Rind which is a healthier option than Pork Rind (Yummy! Can't wait for the end of the world!) and everything else we can buy in a sachet, right? If you're having a hard time, here are more suggestions for you to get an awesome life while we're at it:

1. Buy 12 more cars. But always be careful: if you can't afford it, just try delaying the purchase. I know it's unimaginably hard for you to only have 7 cars which you each only use once every 2 years, but remember the teaching of your religion: have some patience. If you own a taxi-rental shop, wait for your friend that they ignorantly accuse as your crony to pass the law that will charge extra rental against the Taxi drivers and then enable you to pump more profit out of them. Because if it's between their struggle to survive and your prerequisites to contentment, would you be stupid enough to choose the former?

2. Don't Read. Why is there a need for you to enjoy the pleasure of reading that is so cheap, it doesn't even going to cost you even one millionth of the price of your car? Do you want to be associated with being cheap just because it can make you smart when you of all people know nobody could be smarter than a person who has 15 houses, 12 spouses and 13 cars? You're so luxurious, you don't even need to use them because why bother going out when there's 100 pirated videos you can watch at home and 16 hundred bucks to buy pizza and eat with?

Anyway, I just realized that there's no point telling you more suggestions since there's not that many you haven't already heard of. You're the epitome of reason so to listen more from people's poor egalitarian beliefs is obviously a disgrace to your kind.

3 Interesting Things About Persian Palate Food

2010-12-22T22:21:00.000-08:00

That looks great and I''m sure that makes it alright, even if it tastes like something you don't want it to taste like.

by pigarotti on Flickr

1. Specifically the Persian Palate Chello. It's actually pretty tasty. And you have got to love the fact that it's an authentic Mediterranean kebab dish. I mean, what piece of kebab that tastes like a pretty much average fast-food burger patty couldn't be considered Persian?

2. More elaboration on its being a kebab. All the while I was eating it I couldn't remember not being reminded of the last burger meal with rice I had from Jollibee. In fact, it's pretty much just Jollibee burger patty without the more fulfilling gravy and the overcharged price. Which is good really, because how else could you brag the fact that you've eaten in a finer resto like Persian Palate if it wouldn't cost you about a quarter less to dine in such a very un-classy but almost always satisfying fast food bistro as Jollibee? It's hard to make yourself think you're better than anyone else if you just eat a filling P39 Beef and Rice meal. Eating cheap is like not owning a car: a Filipino trait that signals you're poor and do not deserve the kind of respect people who own 15 houses and 13 cars get, unless of course they're from The Church.

3. And what food review would be complete if you didn't write about the specialty food, other than almost more than half of the good food in the world that you don't really have to write about because who brags about food anyway? Except of course South Korea. That Kim Jong Il's a reason it'll not be that long before writing something like this has got to be one of the funniest things man can do. Anyway, Persian Palate's specialty would be its grilled tomato and butter. Such exquisite drama from something mundanely organic. Such expertise at knowing what feels authentic and rich. Who could've thought you could charge a tomato you can get grilled back home and a slab of butter you can hustle for free down that favorite sandwich kiosk of yours, so high that you couldn't find it hard to brag for yourself that you're now better than the rest of the people who don't even know what dinner means? Who cares about the people in the streets when I'm rich and God wants me to be rich and I can eat this meal that God blessed me to have and I'm actually pretty sure God's always telling me it's not wrong for me to reason out anything any one else considers wrong, as right, right?

My Tuna and Tomato dish. But you don't have to know this because you're rich and own cars.

Ten Good Movies I've Seen This Year That Just Make You Hate Me For Not Seeing

2010-12-15T23:46:00.000-08:00

1. Marty - It portended the future of online dating. It's a short story of how you're actually meant to live alone. Funny, right?

2. Inception - You are not reading this. You're dreaming it.

3. The Robber - No, I didn't cry at the last scene. No man does that. Shut up.

4. The Other Guys - It's a pretty serious film about corporate crime and also the evolution of fish. Like, really serious.

5. Shutter Island - You're basically two so watch this.

6. Scott Pilgrim vs. The World - It's especially for those who suffer from ADHD and epilepsy.

7. The Social Network - A ratiocination of a minor asshole.

8. The Town - Un Prophete-like, Masks are So Christopher Nolan's Dark Knight, lacks personality. But that's ok because no movie is human.

9. Easy A - Emma Stone should just be living in my tent. She could clean my pokemon Cubone, who I just recently learned uses the skull of its mother for Headgear. That's so Cubone.

10. Un Prophete - Try not to hire whores. Or at least check their mouths for swallowed blades ready to cut your "Unit" free.

It's a flying Son Goku. And that's Mao Zedong behind him/it.

The 6 Unbelievably Simple Reasons Why The Genius of Mang Inasal Is Destined For Success

2010-12-15T06:52:00.000-08:00

Official Bisaya Short Films Warning: Food intake of any kind must seriously be self-regulated, unless it's your thing to get super hyped-up about anything that's edible that you don't mind seeing yourself forced to sit on two chairs combined because you can't fit in just one.

1. I'm not exactly sure if the "Unlimited Rice" strategy originally came from them, but I certainly know that using the word "Unlimited" to the no. of servings of rice that customers can gorge in single sitting couldn't be theoretically possible and that is humor. And I approve of humor.

2. They're with Gawad Kalinga. "Like that even means anything", as a million of cynical readers of my blog would say (oh, did I say one million?I meant 5). You know what? It kind of does, if it's Gawad Kalinga. If only for the fact that nobody really lives forever.

3. The Chicken Oil they serve has been proven to make me less sad.

4. Nothing too special with the taste of their "Inasal" (grilled chicken to those who spend their days forcing themselves they didn't have brown skin), but that's saying a lot knowing I live in Cebu and we're a cognoscenti in grilling fowl.

5. The brown, red and yellow colors in the ambiance of the resto. Kind of evil really, as they've probably been proven to make you want to eat more. But Unlimited is impossible. So it's Win-Win...?

6.They use banana leaves as plates, which, at the rate of the Global Warming scheme we're in, could mean we'd have at least a few days more to figure out what the hell is the deal with those douchies owning 15 houses. Somebody should make a law against those who abuse the reason "But I feel unfulfilled without them."

Notes: I wonder if Mang Inasal people are awesome enough to support the Sukang Pinakurat in the current Datu Puti competition case.

NU Killed Ely Live

2010-12-10T22:34:00.000-08:00

Last Month I held the sweaty palm of god. Like, literally. And it sang, specifically a song about a dance with a maid.

Ely Buendia is the lead vocals of Eraserheads and Pupil, if you live under a rock. Or worse, a rock. And speaking of rocks, he’s probably one of the priority rock gods you need to google right now. Especially that it’ll be a while before you can listen to him be played in long playlists on good free live-rock radio broadcast now that NU107 is finally no longer just undead.

Ironically I blame it on technology and I guess I’m writing this because it has just dawned on me that music is surprisingly powerful among Cebuanos in ways never accounted for before and anything that puts it in crisis deserves a bisection.

When we question technology it’s always about the issue of excess that gets the ax. And the hardest question we’re faced when this happens seems to be about drawing the line. It’s about finding where and how exactly we could consider the next purchase of a new iPhone acceptable without bolstering the reasons we’re now facing something seemingly as inconceivable as a free rock radio channel being completely off-air. I guess doing that seems to be as easy as playing the electric guitar, with no actual guitar, and blindfolded, and just as cliched. But I still think the least we could do is to remember the question.

And wouldn’t it be better if we always remind ourselves of that, instead of always finding the quickest ways to render the just recently launched cellphone, music players and free radio defunct? Encouraging people, especially kids to apportion such time and passion for music to the point of even respecting enough someone as distant and impersonal as a musician to label them as a god is clearly better than teaching them it’s not bad to own, own, own, right? Own houses you barely have time to live in, laptops in cities you can hardly power a street lamp without interruptions and more junk you don’t even need. Or want.

I guess it’s still a matter of preference, because what is freedom anyway if not that? Besides, it’s not like listening to Ely Buendia sing live and humming along with him is better than using all your gadgets combined during brown outs that are no longer rotational, right?

6 Reasons To Watch Easy A Starring Emma Stone

2010-11-15T20:11:00.000-08:00

It's good something like Easy A is in Bisaya Cinema for everyone who just can no longer bear the amazing humor of Petrang Kabayo to enjoy. Not that Vice Ganda isn't a force to reckon. To help you decide whether to skip this or it's a go, give this guide a try.

1. It's got Emma Stone in it, which pretty much sums up the reason why you should also be looking for her in Superbad and Zombieland. They're just as necessary for you to be like the genius you really want to be even if you don't really want to read.

2. Stanley Tucci plays a father. In Easy A he's got a line saying he was previously gay, but said in a way that isn't just dubious, but also funny. Watch out for that.

3. It's oddly a homage to Failbook.com. Coke Zero being tweeted is something you should learn how to make fun of.

4. Lisa Kudrow is there, but not in a role you'd like her to be, but then again, who wants to watch her outside Friends? No seriously be nice to her.

5. Using references to a gnome, Huckleberry Finn, Scarlett Letter and 80's chick flicks might be something you can a learn a lot from when deciding to dominate the world with your short films.

6. Emma Stone will be in a Bisaya Short Film.

The 3 Latest Ely Buendia and Francis Magalona's In Love And War Music Videos You Need To Watch Before You Die

2010-11-09T23:18:00.000-08:00

Yep. The title couldn't be more accurate. Apparently, no one can have enough of Ely Buendia and Francis Magalona's In Love And War stuff, as shown in the increasing number of readers who apparently got accidentally redirected to my blog that I sometimes have forgotten existed. Which doesn't mean every post here isn't something I take very seriously.

Anyway, here are three music videos I pretended to give justice to Ely Buendia and Francis Magalona's work. I don't know if you know this, but I heard these videos are downright amazing, artistic, avant-garde, shiny, sparkly, tasteful, bestest, goodest, and even urine-inducing of all epic videos of all time! Also, I shot and directed them, so you know this isn't obviously biased.

Ely Buendia Sings "Ang Huling El Bimbo" With A Little Girl, A Grandmother, And The Carpenters Who Built Her Cottage

If three videos are way beyond your Youtube Attention span quota, just watch this one. It's the best of the three. Plus, you might also be in this video.

Ely Buendia Performs "Wasak Waltz" Live

This song's my favorite in the In Love And War album. This video features Ely Buendia playing the piano and also Ely's immaculate back. Oh man, why didn't you move to the other side and freakin get a shot of his face, you might say? Well, how often do you see a music video that mostly features Ely Buendia's posterior and still enjoy it?

Ely Buendia Sings Francis Magalona's "Kaleidoscope World"

I'm of two minds with this Francis Magalona song. It's catchy, and relatable in a" There is a farmer in front. And now the sun is setting. I have two coins."-kind of way, but didn't feel like something I could own. It's one of those songs that you like listening to, but not too much to make it like a viral Bieber killer song. But you need to watch this because it's the proof I held the hand of god. Someone's a fan.

Illiterate Street Children In Cebu

2010-11-08T19:50:00.000-08:00

"Hindi ko maintindihan (I don't understand)"

Last September’s a pretty boring month, no? Don’t get me wrong: I knew about Rolando Mendoza and the things that we were told weren’t done. I heard of dengue, September 11, Ondoy, the mainstream trade of kidneys downtown and knew what they weren’t about.
I even half-pretended to be shocked when I heard of the recent gang rape with a nurse. Or that bombing incident post-bar exams. And you’re probably not the only one who saw that girl playing dead in one of the streets you pass by when riding a 10M and reaching that part near SM that’s clearly straight out of a Lino Brocka film. But come on, do we really care? Do these even make for a good story in a tagay? How could you possibly say that these illiterate street children in Cebu are better and more entertaining to our literally flooded lives than Charice on Glee? How is talking about them cooler than the new phone I’m seeing in front of me along with the rest of the probably six more smart phones this girl owns and is that a Pokedex?

How is the rising number of inveterately illiterate kids more useful to our need for art than Sam Milby’s singing in this Mall Sale (aptly titled “Bear Sale”, which meant it was for SeptemBER, the first month in the Christian calendar that has the suffix BER in its name, which was/is pronounced “Bear” in cebuano) we’re definitely going to visit twice? Why worry about the kind of systemic graft you only see in your family and friends when there’s always a Sam Milby movie to watch and European films like “The Robber” and “An Education” to ignore, even if they were screened for free weeks ago and made at least one person happy and sad?

Of course Sam Milby is better than this guy right here!

Why read books and learn what that TSINELAS group means when you can sprawl Starbucks and be prideful you’re stupid? And why even care when there’s clearly a saviour for all? Speaking of saviours and movies, here’s a good idea that we should instead be more concerned about: iPads. Which are great.

And I’m only saying this because I have proof, which is the man I saw using an iPad for at least three hours in a cafe in this city where the power supply could barely even power mine. More than irking me for the competition that I shouldn’t even be forced to attend to, his iPad made me think: if the very thing that supplies us the chance of happiness we both need is limited, who’s going to have the last say? Trick question: of course it’s me. Anyway, part of you still wants you to do to people who own things like iPad what you most instinctively do to cockroach, but a part of you still feels sorry about that for reasons you know not exactly what. But here’s the certain sad catch: everything’s still democratic and you can pretty much do whatever you want. Especially on Septembers, where illiterate street children in Cebu run the streets like never before.

Ely Buendia and Francis Magalona's In Love And War and Pokemon and Bears

2010-11-07T22:25:00.000-08:00

Pokemons are awesome. And I guess signatures, too.

Hey just because I like velociraptors and I'm pissed at iPhones being blendered doesn't mean I simply like Ely Buendia and Francis Magalona's In Love and War. Because I don't. I respect it. And this is a review of the album from an artist whose wet palm I mistook for not just a god's and whose SM City Cebu concert I felt satisfyingly stupid to be a part of. It was also an ego-fest for me, because I made a joke there with people I was jamming with and it goes like this:

"Sikat siguro ni siya sa?"

Tagalog translation: Siguro sikat to si Ely Buendia.

English: Wow, this Ely Buendia guy must be really popular!

1. Higante - A song for your enemy, like your mother's son, your brother's father, parking lot bears and parking lot people.

2. Bleeder - It reminds you of getting a tattoo.

3. Bus Stop - I wrote in SunStar about a girl and a boy under an umbrella in the rain and if this song hadn't been too upbeat, this might be the theme song for the piece:

"That's me with Syn's head! A dream come true! Also, that's cotton candy she's holding. "

4. Buzzkill - I don't know how to jump a gun without googling it or doing an urbandictionary search. Gloc 9's rap says a lot about my wish not to ever attempt a "Guess how smart I am when I met Ely and threw a joke at him?". "Dry like a raincoat"'s irony's annoying.

5. Dreamdate - If you wish for Panda bears, they poop a lot, so be careful what you wish for. Applies for dates, too. Also, the song says a lot about how all dates you dream of dating are most certainly nightmare douchies. Except when it's me, obviously.

6. Hands On - This is not for me.

7. Bum Ticker - I did an urbandictionary search about it and I learned it's an american slang for a bad heart. So now you know there's a song for that.

8. Wasak Waltz - I respect and favorite this song. Although "Wasak na Pagsasamahan" is ambiguous and that's not a quality you'd want a personal song to have.

9. It's All Right, Ma (I'm Only Bleeding) - This is not one of the few Bob Dylan songs I religiously listen to.

10. Unstrung Heroes- It's proof that you can never have enough of The World Cup and this is one of the two songs in Francis Magalona and Ely Buendia's In Love and War album that I'm storing in my hard drive. And the last bit where Francis Magalona wants you to have less blood? It's REALLY cheerful and REALLY not creepy at all.

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UPDATE: A retweet from The Man himself. I am grateful. Of course this is the most important thing you should know about me.

Carey Mulligan Will Be In A Bisaya Short Film

2010-09-30T18:17:00.000-07:00

Image from Popsugar.com

I watched Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps alone. Actually, not quite. I was with Carey Mulligan, which pretty much sums up the very of my emotional universe right now. Curse you, Shia LaBeouf and your stupid surname. Who has that name?

There were scenes in the movie that made me laugh. Oliver Stone's attempt to do like some sort of modern feel filmmaking effect (probably seeing too much Aronofsky films and thinking hey I might not be too old to make something this cool ---bsshkk---cut clip, focus eyelid, zoom in to a pupil, change still, fast forward, binary nos. running down the screen because if there's one true modern movie effect to best represent the meltdown it's The Matrix from the noughties. Classic and REALLY authentic, Oliver. Or should I say, that's really OLIVER, what you did haha it's crap, Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps) makes me sad but I have to admit are a bit happy too. That scene where a splash of ocean waves was for half-a-second shown? That made the guy seats away from me appear to feel left out; probably also because I chortled in a way you can only do when watching such a clearly attention-worthy not-such-a-waste-of-my-dead-life Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps movie. The ooze-coming-out-of-my-nostrils-kind. And he of course has seen this because hey it's not like it's all too dark in the movies. Also, this was the guy who I was pretty sure just half-pretended to get shocked in a scene of the movie to show his interest and wit that he really got it. I didn't get most of the dialogue and it's OBVIOUSLY just because of Tinnitus because it's not like I'm dumb or anything like that (Is Papua Guinea not a continent?). Every time I got bored though I just imagine an executive in the very austere meeting nose-exploring in just as austere manner. Now that's entertainment copyrights German Moreno.

Of course everybody knows it's just about Carey Mulligan, the reason I was there. What else could there be? Did you just see that smile? That movement of the eyelids? Oh my god. Now I have to look what taut means and use it in everyday conversations in coffee shops, which will go look something like this,

"And may I have your name, sir?"

"Can you make it taut, please?."

Those who like the last Indiana Jones drivel might like Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps, so call your dad, who adopted you now.

Almost Cacti

2010-09-09T08:19:00.000-07:00

I know this sounds cliche, and I know that saying it's cliche is cliche, and saying it's cliche is cliche is cliche, but do you know that feeling of going out one day to not really mean to do anything special but just futz around the mall, eat FishBall Ramen and other Dimsum before brownies and Dunkin Donuts medium brew and maybe visit some toy store and then it just hit you to buy more toys even though it wasn't that long ago you bought a whole 40-piece package of Pokemon and Naruto totems? And go to the Transformers Toys section and check if they have StarScream action figures even if you're quite unsure if you've got the right name of that Decepticon in the movie you missed but in the original cartoon series you always associate with innocence? And then head on to the Beyblade aisle and pick up some latest models that won't fob you off but still would include the Beyblade launchers you know you can't use the digital Beyblade Top without? And then while you're at it you might as well pick up two Hot wheel cars and a skateboard toy before grabbing that G.I. Joe Snake Eye action figure beside the Darth Vader keychain which you'd also get because why no?

And then go to BookSale and buy Vanity Fair, Discover, and Harper Magazines where Jean Paul Sartre's duologue (omigod I'm so pretentious, using that word) with someone I don't know is put on record? And a G.I. Joe coloring book which have sticker graphics like Oatmeal's? And then a pencil shaped like intentionally tasteful flotsam? And then maybe, just maybe, to make it a wee bit special you decide to, well, just purchase, I don't know, a cactus plant? And before opening all the toys you decide to stare at them while you eat your corned tuna and corn grits dinner in your apartment alone? And write about it after reading The Magic Income Number by Freakonomics? Do you know how that feels? How that feels, alone?

Chrestine and I

2010-09-08T20:40:00.000-07:00

image from Ladypinoy.com

Days ago was my first time to watch a Star Cinema movie since I last met Chrestine. It was Sayo Lamang starring Bea Alonzo and actors who are not, well, her. When I was 16 I planned to no avail to make a website using Bea Alonzo pictures as front page because she reminded me of the girl I once made to chase me around the school quadrangle because I found out she was letting herself on to a guy who once scoffed at my spoiler that Gandalf in the Peter Jackson's Lord of The Rings: The Return of The King adaptation was no longer The Gray but The White, and now officially label as the kind of phony you would never want to smooch with even after she vomits to bonkers, no, wait, especially when she vomits after drinking with her and another girl friend in the room she never had from her brother the permission to use nor from me to mock the short films I made her to watch in.Strangely enough, the short film I did was a 5-minute clip of this guy, walking.

Bea Alonzo in the first three minutes of Sa'Yo Lamang convinced me she was really good at acting austere, but nevertheless the kind of phony who deserves being featured in the homepage of a horny teenager's high-school HTML-based website assignment. Our computer instructor, by the way, was hot and not male.

Sa'Yo Lamang's the funniest show I saw this month. In a scene where Bea Alonzo was saying something like "Tama na, sumasakit na ang isip ko!" (Stop it, my head's hurting!), she touched her neck at the mention of the head. It made me and Chrestine laugh so hard because a neck isn't the head and I checked about the audience to see if we're not the only one who thought this. We're the only one.

Chrestine also thought Deither Ocampo's body looked off and ugly. Apparently she's not alone: http://www.jessicarulestheuniverse.com/2010/09/08/like-the-seven-plagues-flash-forwarded/

Love Cebu

2010-08-30T19:37:00.000-07:00

There are reasons why Island Souvenirs gets dibs at the marketing ploy "(insert name here) loves cebu". And one of them is that Cebu City is awesome. Never mind the kids caroling inside PUJs taunting you they're ostensibly innocuous kiddies but really possible kidnappers, robbers, spies, or Team Rocket's minions, or the kids down the curb urinating at lit candles or the PUJ transport system itself. Cebu is still worthy of all the love.

What Island Souvenirs missed is depriving a large market bracket of potential buyers that may not be the number one customers of the brand that basically panders to your passable sense of loyalty (which by the way may not be really what it appears as burnishing text like RACHAEL (<3 )LOVES CEBU, ANDREW LOVES CEBU, PETER LOVES CEBU or EUDYE LOVES CEBU on your shirt may just be making up for the fact that heck you barely even know the name of the street where the legendary Mandaue Lampposts is), but is there such thing as too much market reach?

So anyway here's some good names to use in the LOVE CEBU ploy that Island Souvenirs really have to take note of in the interest of commerce and fair free market share:

1. VAGINA HEARTS/(<3 )/LOVES CEBU
2. STREET CHILDREN LOVE CEBU
3. MANILA PEDOPHILES WHO STAY IN CEBU FOR 3-MONTH VACATION LOVE CEBU
4. WHATEVER YOUR EX BOYFRIEND DID IN CEBU THAT MADE YOU BREAK UP WITH HIM LOVE CEBU
5. HEART-TRANSPLANT PATIENTS IN CEBU WHO FAILED IN HEART-TRANSPLANT TRIAL TO GET THEIR HEARTS LOVE CEBU
6. PROSTITUTES LOVE CEBU
7. AMERICANS LIVING IN CEBU WITH GIRLS THEY MET ON THE INTERNET AND MARRIED ON THE SLY BECAUSE THEIR WIVES IN THE U.S. MIGHT FIND OUT LOVE CEBU
8. BUS DRIVERS LOVE CEBU
9.VIGILANTES WHO EKE OUT A LIVING IN THEIR FREELANCE GIGS LOVE CEBU
10.UNEMPLOYMENT LOVES CEBU

Rolando Mendoza: Guide to Hostage Takers Who Have Gone To Quirino Grandstand

2010-08-23T08:20:00.000-07:00

You wouldn't want to have a chip ingrained on your head that would disrupt your senses when you're going to do something like Rolando Mendoza's hostage taking in Quirino Grandstand. But it's kind of a neat idea, isn't it?

I was about to go out for some lunch appointment when I heard something about this hostage-taking by a PNP colonel on some supposedly Korean tourists in a bus at Quirino Grandstand. The Philippines is a place of metas so it didn't dawn on me to be interesting enough to suspend the rendezvous. I finished reading Jonathan Lethem's You Don't Love Me Yet and waited for my friend then went with him to play Naruto, Fight Night 4 and Call of Duty in PS3 for 2 hours at a mall. Then, we bought Liempo, went to his house, ate with family and realized it's partly confirmed all hostages in the Quirino Grandstand hostage-taking by the virtuous Rolando Mendoza were dead. And that a Filipino, old guy and kids were spared. It's a saddening sorry, we thought.

Then I discussed with Alan the benefits of not buying an iPod touch, straining your ambitious commercial purposes, and controlling of people's feelings before I went to write this Rolando Mendoza: Guide to Hostage Takers Who Have Gone To Quirino Grandstand.

I also listened to something ex-satanic: http://www.jessicarulestheuniverse.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/Taning10.mp3

Bb. Pilipinas International 2009 Melody Gersbach

2010-08-21T08:34:00.000-07:00

Ride from Pardo to Colon.

Shunning the street people, gorgeous teens, city light.

Bb. Pilipinas International 2009 Melody Gersbach

Went out to taste KFC Maki Roll.

Thinking of not buying an iPhone but an Android Phone instead plus an iPod touch then keep the almost

Bb. Pilipinas International 2009 Melody Gersbach

10-year-old Nokia phone.

Subconscious has Bb. Pilipinas International 2009 Melody Gersbach as image.

Planning to stay in France without an Apple Laptop.

Jeepney ride home, a girl in front of me with voluptuous salacious front, my type.

Bb. Pilipinas International 2009 Melody Gersbach

Views of skin, writing for others but not as a ghost.

Then death: Bb. Pilipinas International 2009 Melody Gersbach

The Bisaya Writes For Philippine beach

2010-08-20T17:51:00.000-07:00

I have to write about the place now. Nobody wants to go David Foster Wallace and fear about not being able to come up with something. The demand from google to quickly update the blog and produce stuff their search machine android could suck money out of like some stupid dross leach is horrifying. So I'm going to write about Philippine beach.

Philippine beach, particular the ones you get to see in Cebu, are nothing special. Philippine beach are to travel resorts what Nokia are to mobile phones: nothing mediocre, but nothing too special either. Today a Philippine beach from Bohol is being featured on TV. Philippine beach shouldn't be featured on TV because it isn't fair. I want to be in a Philippine beach right now so bad, I'm feeling like a roast unicorn. There's nothing wrong about being a roast unicorn, if you're roasted in Philippine beach. Philippine beach are awesome to look at. Philippine beach are nothing unlike the ones you see in the movie The Beach. Leonardo di Caprio is awesome in Inception, which didn't feature any Philippine beach, which is quite too bad really.

Inside The Square

2010-07-05T05:06:00.000-07:00

There was no one else sipping the shop's sipping hot chocolate specialty inside the square. Half to the brim was what I supposed to be the usual measure when you order a regular cup, which I don't consider fair considering its price. The mall is noisy, but not more than the usual volume one normally feels when it's some sort of holiday season you're too busy to be part in or if it's just regular mall Sundays. The view from where I'm sitting with my sipping hot chocolate's a general advantage. I could see here what might be deemed unseen in areas behind me. This could probably be a good time to learn what Ian Rankin meant by a Good Hanging.

The Rain Outside

2010-06-27T20:56:00.000-07:00

I moved the trash can out of its original place as the rain outside is strong enough to fill water in it and be carrier of disease. The view of the mountain is harsh and makes you think of days when you just badly want to go outside and find a spot in a coffee shop and read Simenon. I miss being excited by a Simenon. The last time I read it I almost wished I'd never actually finish Maigret's Christmas. I'm almost finished with The Big Lebowski. And I now have to buy more bottles of alcohol for my stove.

Rankin's Black

2010-06-22T20:15:00.000-07:00

Unfinished with reading Ian Rankin's Black and Blue by my bed, I went outside and stared at the stretch of man-made light. The patio's a minor mess; pieces of dried fish, a laundry hanger, rods made of nylon lining the pillars of this structure I've spent at least a month in. There are no interests to travel; only books offer the cleanest form of passing days. Inside the books are left near the window and prone to tearing from the rain outside.

The neighbor's house is queer because its second story has a door to a place that passes for a terrace but minus the floor and the railings that make it real.

Fixing The Door and The Usual Tiresome.

2010-06-17T02:09:00.000-07:00

I finished taking a bath and went for the door to hang my towel. I tried opening it but it was locked. From outside. Such was the case because the set-up of the locking system outside could lock people in just from simply closing the door. There was no panic, the thought of shouting resurfaced, but not enough to actually commence doing. My room's on the third floor; across, there were no people, at least no one I know, only a two-story building whose second one isn't halfway done. The floor became its roof.

I fixed it by forcing it open. There was no panic, an almost cry and tired shriek came out, but no more than that. No more than the usual tiresome, of course.

Landscape

2010-06-14T20:34:00.000-07:00

A shoe-repair shop selling bottles of toilet bowl cleaners. Beside it a bakery. Students coming out of a building, a seen transom. A cafe where cubicles of TV monitors are connected online; the second story is an ear and nose and throat clinic. A walk in an unpaved road and in one of the aisles children are seen eating soya porridge with an old lady. You look up and the mountains have wire posts that parallel the vague slopes. There's no light sometimes and the water runs from a deep well so it isn't sometimes safe to drink.

Everybody here's walking.

2010-06-14T03:24:00.000-07:00

On my left are two girls watching on Youtube a video of two boys soaked in mud and french-kissing in a bathroom. By the looks of the angle the camera couldn't have been set on a table, so they were probably more than two inside. On my right a boy I met and dismissed as nothing short of a retard in college years ago is playing Grand Theft Auto, murmuring lines to himself that I couldn't consider normal, with kids behind him, talking older than their age. Everybody here's getting by.

AD: Here are sites with people that help you with Steel Goods: http://www.businessdeutschland.de/en/list-industries/tools-and-steel-goods-6.html

Troll

2010-05-08T04:49:00.000-07:00

These past days have been confusing me like hell and I've all the reasons to say it's probably not just because of the elections spectacle that wake me up to my more suffering. It's all this intentional disregard for everything worthy of being made fun of through irony that's not making it better. For example, the line "it's not like we're going there and working our ass out just for the money" is undervalued to have no meaning more than what it directly is. What about reading it as actually just going there for the money? Haven't people thought about that?

A few hours before I wrote this I bought french fries from a kiosk in a mall. I asked for some tissue paper and the store manager, or should I say, cashier said they didn't have any. So I said, "Oh, thanks. Eating this would REALLY make my hands clean.

I'm not sure I'm not entirely being a troll.

The Bird of Noynoy

2010-03-30T19:33:00.000-07:00

Image from pinayla.blogspot.com

I'm an electorate ignorant. Not that it's something to brag about. Or that it's bad. But that time has now past and it's time for change. Change for the benefit of the nation. The problematic republic needs my help for it to function better and get rid of its dirt. Time for me to start the change I need. And these candidates running for the 2010 Philippine elections should be assessed if they're really the right fit for our beloved country. And that's the easiest task since all you need to know about candidates is all in the ads you see around you. There's no way you can't know presidents by their facebook pages.

The worst bet you have right now, especially if you're into animal rights, particularly the rights of birds, is Noynoy Aquino. He's good to look at, I know; all that yellow just makes my day shine, like hair oil. But do we really need a president who uses animal skin to make, (thinking about it just makes me shriek, but one has to.....) ribbons (see logo ribbon above) ? How dare he and his minions fool us that we're okay with using dove skin as symbol for hope! Does he think the nation is too jaded we couldn't even mind skinning doves like they're sheep (no offense to sheep, and shepherds)? I mean, look at him (see him above) pensive and all innocent about the atrocities he's starting even before he's elected. Observe that stare; he's probably all like, "hmm..doves have no rights, let's skin them...that's edgy, and liberal, no one's fighting for them, it's not like I'm going to hurt anyone if I punch doves in the head and let my friends skin them and have then taken for photo op...no, wait; it should be yellow; hope is yellow..let's kill doves, soak them in yellow tint and have them photo-opped; no photoshopping, that's bad image; corruption's done, change's the new market..".

It's not that I'm judging this guy, but this guy's all wrong; birds have rights. They can be good pets and it's wrong to make them into ribbons. I will not vote for a president who skins doves for ribbons.

Now that I'm a changed man who wants change and change is all that we need to make doves live, I should have no problems telling you that ERAP and GIBO are the really best options. I mean, what kind of person doesn't want to vote for someone rich and has more wives than there is semen in a spoon and really cunning and machismo-cool enough to be one of the select GOD-chosen few who got the most coveted record of being convicted in public office? Who doesn't want to have as president a charming cuddly and so tender-looking fat alcoholic sex-machine who clearly has all the sympathy of the poor and really is all honest and really for the poor and competent despite footages of him in casinos in office hours (don't be judgmental-we all need some break, even while at work, I'm not being a hypocrite or anything, and GOD knows that) and will probably get our economy screwed up again (in a good way; it doesn't even matter; GOD provides, and honestly, who gives a fig about economics? Academe's no better than us; they've just no social life, unlike us who party so much,we can't even remember the names we're partying with and we don't even care because we're too cool to care, friends don't care). Frankly, I like cool people and ERAP is cool personalized.

If coolness is too cool for you, well there's ultra cool thing you could do: kill. And that's the best thing I like with GIBO. Such bravado. Such utter awesomeness. I mean, it's not like the nation cares if, say, you bulldoze a truckload of killed writers, is it? Frankly, we don't give a damn. We're too cool for that and too busy to care for anything more than the plight of doves.

2009-07-30T09:54:00.000-07:00

Patay na ang dagan sa kinatawo.
Ang akong padayunon ug himo mao nalang ang walay utlanan.

Sundanan nato tanan ang dagan sa kinatawo.
Dawo ang tanang nagsugod sa tanom.

2009-05-14T08:23:00.000-07:00

Kanunay bakang mawad-an ug pahiyom.
Kahilom ba pirmi ang mahibilin taga siyagit nimo.
Di ba kaha na sayop imong paglaum. Di ba kaha lain
Lain ra ang klase sa atong paningkamot pero usa ra diay
Ang padulngan sa tanan. Di ba siyagit ra imong mahinumduman
Kung tua nakas walay kahumanang dili pagpapangutana
Sa tanang nahibilin sa imong paningkamot ug labay
Sa tanang nahaom sa panan-aw natos kalipay.

2009-04-23T07:59:00.000-07:00

Ganahan ka masaag. Walay luyo nga panit.
Ganahan ka mukamang. Apan walay tuo
Ang tanang bag-ong pungkol. Hungaw
Tang tanan kung wa kay himoong paagi.

Bata Sa Dan

2008-12-21T10:00:00.000-08:00

Unya nagtuo kag nalipay kos imong gihatag
Nga guol?Kuhiton unta tika karon pero alang-alang
Kaayo ang oras, duha pa ka nagutom nakong igsoon
Ang akong pangitaag lugar nga higdaan ug huwatan
Sa bisan-kinsang way ulian karong adlawng gasiga
Para kumoton ang yawit ug paugomon ug ngisi
Ang timbang lang sa mga bitoon ug bato ang sukod

Nagtuo ka nga wala koy nakita nga bag-o
Pas mga sanina nga mga pinulongang binisaya
Sama sa, hoi sunod ang gihatag nimo ihalok ko
Sa guna nakong pang-ukal nianang imong pitaka?

Nag tuo ka simod ra ni ang akong gipakaon?
Nga ang duda, hustisya ug kauhaw
Imong mga amigo ug tarantadong mga palaiyot
Ray makasabot? Asa ibutang kung is or are ang gamit.

Bayot ka day. Huwata nang imoha mamatay
Usa nimo usbog palit ning duwaaaaang pangbukbok
Ko sa igsoong gibukbok ni mama sa balay sa papa
Nga dili amo ni Juanita, Rose Ann ug Janer
Pero kang Leah ra nga di nimo maabtan diri

Sa atong lakaw. Kay ikaw kahadlokan, mahadlok
Sa akong mga tawng punog atsa'g linungagang

Bato. Bato. Batong ilabay na namo nimo kung sundon
Pako nimo ug samokon sa sunod nakong katulog

Para lang sa unod nga lamaw pero nga dili nako
Mapaningkamotan gyud bisag unsaon ug balibad

Kung manguhit mo. Mukuhit mo. Mukuhit mo namo.

2008-10-13T09:47:00.000-07:00

Sheet, ang iring, niambak, mihimog wirdo kaayog tingog
Singkahan nimo, wa may mahimong kausaban, imong wa-it
Ray mamuwa sa sigeg paningkamot ug singka ug mausab
Dayon ang tanan, sheet, ang iring nibalik ug lingi, si Morpheus
Nahibolong. Si Trinity nahibulong, nihunong, diha mahibong apil
Ang bida ug minaog ug duha ka tikang ug misuway ug lantaw
Balik, sheet, ang iring, niambak, mihimog wirdo kaayo

Nga tingog.

2008-07-26T15:35:00.000-07:00

Unya bakak diay na kung imo gyud buot huna-hunaon?
Tingali wa lang ka kakita kung diin ang duol nagsugod
Ug layo; Diing dapita diri ang imong giingong sakto nahuman
Ug sugod; Dili pa diay ka kasabot nga way bakak nato
Ang dili nila mabantayan ug dakop? Ka wa bay klaro ani
Day, dili pa diay ka kahubos imong panti ron?

Unya bakak pa diay na kung tanan namakak na?

2008-07-13T06:02:00.000-07:00

Sugdi na ug tagay. Ayaw'g limot sa asa nagsugod
Ang shat. Ayaw isugat kung di ka kabaw asa kutob
Mahubog ang imong mga kainom. Tubig
Gyud nga naay ginamayng unod ang gawas
Gyud kung mamugos kag shat. Ayaw isugat
Lagi, tan-awa gud ko, unsa man, ganahan pud ka

Musuka. Musuka. Musuka. Musuka.

2008-04-07T09:16:00.005-07:00

Sugdan natog balik. Pahunungun una ang tanan usa sugdag samad
Ang giingon natong kahilom. Timan-i lang ang duga nianang imong
Mata kung maghilak. Kasagaran bayang butang wala gasugod ug M
O S kung ispelengon nimos Ingles.

Kung musud ka balik way duda nga mubalik ka diri. Gawas nalang
Gyud, gawas lagi ba. O di kaha

Pagawsa nalang ko sa sud.

2007-03-23T22:38:00.000-07:00

Pasagdii pagsugod ang kahumanan. Ayaw at-ngi sa tunga. Dili sukdon
Dapat kung asa iyang maabtan human maglinog ug tingog ang away.

Dili ang sanga maoy hinungdan sa bunga. Walay tawo ang dili musuway
Sa init ug hayahayng uwan sa kahumanan. Dili gani masuwayan ug tutok

Ang tumoy niyang gasugod sa luyo nianing balak nakong puwa ug gadugo
Sa kasakit sama sa lansang nakong walay tahi sa kilid. Ang samad

Walay hinungdan sa kinatapusan.

2007-02-10T06:05:00.000-08:00

Pagdali ug pagpakita human sa pagpilok
Sa mga mata ning aning dakong uwak nga gaatang
Luyo sa imong tugkaran aron ang imong hayuhoy

Ug hayahay samtang mag-ginhawa ka ug dugay

Iyang unang mabati buntag sayo una siya mulupad
Mangitag dalan sa kinabuhi niyang sama kanimo kadugay

Mudagan. Pagdali ug langoy
Human ka hipakti sa lawm nimong huna hunang gagukod nimo
Samtang ang dalan, ang langit, ang panganud sa tanang bukid

Natong duha magpaka-arong-ingnong suwawng hayag sama's lamparang
Atong daganun human mag-uwan ug luhag yuta. Pagdali

Ug pagpangita
Sa pilok sa dughan sa mata sa tanang adlawng

Nilabayng nagdugo.

Kung Nganong Dugay Ang Pagpiyong

2006-10-23T02:19:00.000-07:00

sa mga kwaknit sa langob Argao
dili dali ang tubag

mapangitaag katagbawan

kay sama nianang gugmang gipiyong
sa paglikay-likay adlawng dako

pagawas sa dakong liti palayo
sa kasakit sa pag-ikyas sa pag-ambak

balik sa pag-inusarang lakat-lakat

sa tisa sa colon sa bisag asang
lugar hidangpan ang tiil,

ang kahayag
dili baya sa kadugay kadali

ang iyang siga masukod kung dili
sa laming bugnawng dugayng nakapilit:

kahilom sa kangitngit