Showing posts with label #Aldub. Show all posts
Showing posts with label #Aldub. Show all posts

11/22/15

A Food Review of Tokyo Table That's About Food Movies




Problem: You want the best value for your money, and that's why you only buy Shitake Mushrooms Chicharon from now on 

because the best Chicharon you can buy is the one that's not killing you when you eat one. 

You crawl through blogs in Cebu Blogging Community because you look for the best movies that feature Filipinos, best restaurants that recognize vegan diet, best activities to do in Siquijor, best smartphones that were not made by underpaid laborers, and even best bakeries that sell Malunggay Bread because Malunggay helps you become Channing Tatum. (Tip: Go to Healthy U Vegan Resto).

You see yourself as an intelligent consumer, and you deem it your duty to always buy the most forward-thinking and least nature-damaging items, from cosmetics to laundry soap to Japanese food. You even bought the iPhone because you're told that Steve Jobs was the best. 

You always want the best in the market. You even read David Foster Wallace and James Salter, because you read from Time Magazine that they're the Best Novelists of The 21st century. You read them, loved them, and you want more of them.

Now you caught yourself Googling for the Best Japanese Restaurant In Cebu City, because:

1. You want to taste The Best Japanese Food in Town.
2. You tried the Lutong Hapon from Joed's, and you realized that it had charged you way too much for their kind of Japanese Food that must've been prepared by an uninspired, ready-to-die cook who seems to hate the world so much, that s/he translates that hatred into the mouths of customers.


What do you do?

Solution: Visit Tokyo Table at City Times Square Parkmall for the following reasons:

Play The Video Below To Know What You're Missing



PROS OF EATING AT TOKYO TABLE

1. Tokyo Table is an Unlimited Ramen Place, Unlimited Yakiniku Place, Unlimited Shabu-Shabu Place, Unlimited Sushi Place, Unlimited Pho Place, Unlimited Cheesecake Place, Unlimited Blueberry Place. Ad infinitum. 


Tokyo Table is an Unlimited Food Place for a price that barely limits your budget. If infinity is not enough of a factor for you to consider Tokyo Table (or any place for that matter) the best, then please e-mail me at bisayawriter(@)gmail(dot)com because there might be a problem with you and I can offer psychosocial help in the form of movie recommendations.


2. Tokyo Table is The Good Kind of Unlimited While Your Internet Speed Is The Bad Kind of Unlimited.


You read David Foster Wallace book on The Theory of Infinities and Unlimited, and you learned that some infinities are better than others and you agree with this because you're a walking proof that the Infinite Internet offered by phone networks doesn't feel unlimited at all. 

In fact, you believe that the only Unlimited in your Internet is THE UNLIMITED WAITING TIME for The Facebook Page to Load because the internet speed is so slow, it almost makes you cry. 

But you don't complain because ungratefulness makes you fat, and you agree with Louis C.K. in his "Everything is Amazing, No One Is Happy Theory" that if you're so ungrateful for your phone provider, then build your own internet company so you can stop being a non-contributing leech. Good luck with that.


That said, Tokyo Table is The Good Kind of Unlimited because unlike Unlimited Internet, the only thing slowing you down in Tokyo Table when you devour as much Healthy Salad and Invigorating Char Siu Ramen as you can stomach, is you and your weak stomach. 

Your doctor can also prove that the array of Tokyo Table Protein-rich Cold Cuts  peppered with turmeric and ginger are healthy for you and for your sex life. Need more Omega 3 in your body? Tokyo Table serves freshest Omega3 Salmon, too.

Need help for your heart to grow out of heartbreak?  Fresh Natural Raw Seafood that helps in neurogenesis or in the process of cell formation is in Tokyo Table.

3. I Will Put My Name Behind The Taste of Tokyo Table.

I know you're asking, 

"Dear Richard: I'm sold about the Unlimited Factor. But what about the taste? Maybe Tokyo Table is Unlimited because the taste is so bad, that you can only eat two sushi rolls and you're done? And how much are they paying you to worship their resto because I want to get paid, too, like you.

Nagmamahal,
Binay"

Before I reply, let me thank you first, Presidentiable Binay, for reading Bisaya Short Films and for promising to support all my short films..in my dreams.

Now, about the taste, let's just say that I read Jessica Zafra's Reputable "Best Ramen Restaurant In Town" and her First Prize goes to the Char Siu Ramen at Santoukka Hokkaido at SM Makati near Greenbelt 4.

I had so much respect for her Solid Endorsement that I went out of my way to Makati from Cavite to taste Hokkaido's Char Siu and Dear Gods Of Ramens and Holy Goodness, it is The Best Ramen I've Tasted in My Whole Existence. Until I tasted the Char Siu/Pork Ramen in Tokyo Table. 

The reason is simple: they taste almost alike in terms of the hearty/chewy-ness of the fresh ramen and the pork's melt-in-your mouth taste, but Hokkaido's around P450 for one "Justin Bieber" bowl and it's in Makati. 

Tokyo Table is P750 and it can be just one bicycle away from your home and the bowl size is "1000+ Manny Pacquiaos" Big. 

Other Tokyo Table Picks That I Will Put My Name Behind:
- Tokyo Table's Ebi Tempura that made me say "Mother of God" when I first had it.

- Tokyo Table's Spicy Okra Seafood and Sashimi Shrimps that made me say "I'm having everyday of this and is this shrimp soaked in butter overnight otherwise why is it creamy when it seems to be just boiled I can't believe this is not butter!?"

- Tokyo Table's Yakiniku Bacon Cuts that made me say, "Was this marinated overnight in Butter?"

- Their Dessert Selection that made me say, "I want to be buried here".



BONUS POINTS:
1. City Times Square where Tokyo Table is has the Parking Space that will remind you of Batman's Wide Expanse Parking Space for his Bat Mobile in The Dark Knight, but City Times is less lit than Batman's. But still, being compared to Batman is huge compliment.

2. Tokyo Table closes at 10pm-ish, so you can go there alone at 6pm, bring a book, eat and read and write your novel, and make love with the food because food understands and your ex doesn't.

3. Tokyo Table can house as many customers as 1/10 of the supporters of #Aldub in one barangay, so it's perfect for huge crowds. Private Date Rooms are also available, so Alden and Yayadub should blend in Tokyo Table. #SaTamangPanahon

CONS OF EATING AT TOKYO TABLE

1. The only CON of my Tokyo Table experience was that I didn't get to try their Siomai and their Vegetable Siopao and probably more than half of what they had. Like every Bisaya Short Film, Tokyo Table deserves a second viewing.


Movie To Watch Inside Tokyo Table: 



because I saw it at a Japanese Film Festival and its food cinematography is so mouth-watering, 
you might as well wear a napkin to watch it.

P.S.

Dear Competition:

I wonder what you think of the Infinite Offerings of Tokyo Table and how you're addressing the challenge. In the words of Boy Abunda, I am open to hear your side. Usap tayo. And by usap, I mean the bisaya word for chewing.

THE END



10/31/15

Bisaya Short Films Presents The First Ever Amazing Race in Siquijor Has Proof Of Its Success

Problem:


What do you get when you organize an Amazing Race game in the paradise that is Siquijor but with no declared prize and your participants are tired government officials being bullied online as corrupt and money-grabbing lifeless mosquitoes (I totally read that online)? 

Answers:

Bisaya Short Films presents "The Amazing Race of Siquijor"
#InfoTourismAdventureRace
#SensationalSiquijor
Directed by: Richard Abad



1. You will get to realize that the government officials you bullied are sometimes, if not most of the time, people who do things not for money.

Last October 29, 2015 was the first ever #InfoTourismAdventureRace organized by the Philippine Government for tourism officers in the Visayas. The race is inspired by the award-winning Amazing Race game. The game was a gigantic success, you can call everyone who attended to attest this. 
It is a success for two reasons:
  1. The employees had the chance to tour around Siquijor in the form of a fun fat-burning race, and interviewed the locals and the community heads in the region to share them online WITHOUT BEING PAID TO DO SO (or are they paid, and we were not told?). Email me if you know the real score by clicking HERE.

  2. The employees took photos of the entire Siquijor so that they can upload them in the blog managed by Bisaya Short Films and Cebu Blogging Community WITHOUT BEING PAID TO DO SO. This means that everyone around the world can now experience vicariously the wonders of #SensationalSiquijor from the efforts of the employees that you charmingly judged as the most evil people in the world. 
    



Can you imagine the possibilities if the photos about Siquijor go viral online? Even President Obama or Jennifer Lopez or George Clooney can now have the chance to know the value of Siquijor because of the photos from the government employees people online have bullied.

Who knows? Maybe #Aldub will go to Siquijor and expand their empire there, promoting not only the mystical Siquijor potions, and delectable heart-melting Pan Bisaya bread, and the absolutely sensual Fish Spa, but also telling everyone in the world that basically It's Funnest In The Philippines!

On a similar note, remember when the legendary Jessica Zafra said that she loves humanity, but it's the humans that she hates? Well, the Philippine government system is probably the problem, and not the humans.  

A Photo of The Triage that you can visit in Siquijor.

If the government system is made to make sure that the mental health of the government employess are checked to be always healthy, you will never get a corrupt employee.

If the government system ensures that the employees are given medication to every anxiety and psychological issues they experience, you will never produce a president that bribes.

It's all in the mind, and no matter how intelligent the candidate is, nothing will ever work as good as making sure we elect mentally healthy individuals. 

Only the mentally ill steal money from the people, but not all mentally ill steal.


So the problem lies in making sure that the employees are mentally checked to have no mental disorder of any variation. And you know what's a good way to make sure the employees are healthy? By giving them a break and destressing their minds through the genius of the first ever #InfoTourismAdventureRace.

Perhaps we can make into a law of mandatory mental health check up of government officials, including the president, the way we do random drug tests? 
Dear government officials: Let's talk. Here's my email: bisayawriter(at)gmail.com.

2. You get to realize that meetings are sometimes a waste of time and can harm the morale of employees.

Time Magazine reports that meetings are unproductive and a waste of time. Lectures can be as destructive and soul-shattering especially if the participants of the lecture are forced to attend because of duty. When was the last time you had fun in a government-organized convention in the Philippines? 

Unless your lecturer is #Aldub or Marian Rivera, chances are you will be smacked down by boredom and hatred in the meeting. This is the problem fixed by Vince, the brilliant organizer behind the idea of the first ever #InfoTourismAdventureRace.

This is a photo of the famous Siquijor bakeshop where you can buy the delectable Pan Bisaya. For name of the bakeshop, watch video.


The idea is simple. You put fun in the seminar. Instead of letting the tired and bullied government employees sit through a day of lecture, let them have fun the whole time by discovering the lecture for themselves. 

Instead of shoving information that they don't care about into their minds, let them ask the questions they care about and let them find the answers themselves. Make them move. Make them ask. Make them care. That's the game.

And what's the results? We don't know about everyone, but it's fair to say that most of the participants of the first ever #InfoTourismAdventureRace held in the serenely fascinating Coco Grove Beach Resort in Tubod, San Juan, Siquijor Island Philippines are claiming that:
  • the InfoTourism race is something they want to do again.
  •  the #SensationalSiquijor race is the most memorable convention they ever experienced.

This is an honest assesment vouched by Bisaya Short Films,and email me at: bisayawriter(at)gmail.com so I can connect you with the participants and you can ask them yourself whether these claims are true.





10/4/15

Today You Are Sad But Not Anymore Because Here Is Your Answer

Problem:


Here's a problem your mother wants you to solve: you are in love, the Love At First Sight kind. You went to the first ever Cebu Hot Wings Eating Competition by Gibbs Hot Wings, and there you saw a girl you're willing your heart to be broken by. 

You want her so much that you can ignore the fact that her immaculate left hand is holding a guy's hard pleasure-giving right arm. And they look so good a pair, you assume that they're just as in love with each other as you are with her. This sadness and point of desperation annoys you. What do you do?

Solution:


1. Eat Your Sadness Away



Diamond Suites Hotel's assortment of cheese for people who are
sick of the Christmas staple Queso de Bola.
I don't mean you to be stupid and get to the nearest 7/Eleven and drink high-sugar soda, eat high-diabetes chips and shove your mouth with plain old sadness-flavored doughnuts. 

What I mean is treat your palette, and let it live and forget that there's sadness in seeing your Ellen Adarna being snatched away in front of your tears-repressed eyes. 

What I mean is go to a buffet that aspires to fine cuisine, delivers the promise of food satisfaction and reminds you that whatever the question, whatever the confusion, whatever the hurt,


FOOD IS THE ANSWER.







Diamond Hotel's recently lunched P500-Buffet is one of those answers. Their buffet set-up just opened last Oct 3, 2015 and now they're here for you to make you less sad. 

They have Italian and Asian Buffet nights, so you can eat there and pretend that you're in an Italian film made by Fellini and any minute now someone will sit beside you, a woman of great taste and culture, a woman of your dreams, she sits beside you and proposes that you both go somewhere private. You know, like in a private hospital because she's bleeding and she needs your help. 

Bonus Tip: Go request for Diamond Hotel's Meatballs, which I tried, and which was so good, I called out the chef to give him my compliments. Yes, I went to the chef and told him: Wow, chef, you're really losing weight! That is the only compliment chefs need.



2. Watch Bisaya Short Films

Just Youtube Search Bisaya Short Films or Medyo Maldito or HaringBuang or YayaDub, and watch all your sadness away with all the glorious comedy of Filipino and Cebuano talents that any minute now will be pirated and stolen by the China and America to the demise of Philippines. Hurray, our best talents work overseas because they will be poor in our country!

You can also watch the Bisaya Short Film Music Video of Vispop Festival 2015's Buwag Balik, and experience 21st century heartbreak through wonderful music. 


Sure enough, thinking there's no forever should make you feel better that you and Ellen Adarna are not together.

Also, the Bisaya Short Films today are mostly what The Haters would call pretentious philosophical (#BigWord) meditations on the universe's liberating randomness and how its beauty makes the desperate still want to live. This statement will make you yawn. Ignore it.

You can instead watch the silent anti-silence Bisaya Short Film "Hangin" (see above) on Youtube and experience this yourself. In this short film, you can witness how innocence is as fleeting and yet as constant air, and how the concept of childhood innocence is the revving fuel of the ominous success of Philippines YayaDub and Alden Richards' skyrocketing success.

Thinking about this reminds you that love in front you is just some air that passed from behind. In other words:love's a fart.

3. Join in the next Cebu's First Ever Hot Wings Eating Competition by Gibbs' Hot Wings.



I mentioned few posts back that Gibbs sure would become the next Mang Inasal in that it has so much potential, that The Jollibee Empire might soon buy out Gibbs' creators and will make Gibbs' Hot Wings their bitch (female dog) the way Mang Inasal, as chizmiz would put it, is. 

Gibbs' disrupts the Philippines' Food Industry Game, and Everyone Who's A Somebody waits out what the future holds for the kind of hot wings that I consider as of October 2015 my gold standard for all the Hot Wings known to mankind. Dear Gibbs' Competition: prove me wrong.

There you have it. The three answers to your heartbreak. If these don't make you feel better, then you must be going mental. Go to the nearest shrink.

THE END



9/29/15

3 Attacks Against The Aldub vs Pastillas Girl Battle



1. The best thing that's happened to this ABSCBN-GMA fight is that hindi na palaging late si Vice Ganda sa Showtime. Before the fight you get the feeling that Showtime intentionally makes Vice Ganda come out late so the audience stays long enough to confirm whether Vice Ganda's not absent.

Now that the competition is tough, Vice Ganda absent could mean Showtime's drop the way WilTime BigTime dropped. And disappeared.

2. Whether Aldub or Pastillas wins, we the audience always lose. Hours watching the show means hundreads of hours lost from reading James Salter's novels about how love can make you rich.

Watching weekly Aldub means hours lost from, say, watching Bisaya Short Films that teach you how to think critically, dress in style and be sexy and wealthy like Vice Ganda, Sarah Silverman and Dolphy.

The Aldub and Showtime shows can't make you wealthy, sexy, or contribute to your physical beauty, social status and intelligence. But they make you happy and that is the most important thing, isn't it?

3. The thing with Lea Salonga's rant about wanting to be deep is that Lea's ironically no different from the Aldub she's thought to bash.

Aldub is selling shallowness. And Lea's selling deepness. Both of them are selling you a commodity. Now what are you buying?

9/11/15

A Heartbreak Problem That A Bisaya Short Film With Anna Kendrick Will Solve

Problem: You're bored and heartbroken because your husband of ten years left you for another girl, and then it later turned out that he's officially diagnosed with ADHD by a Filipino psychiatrist. 

You feel lost, tired and all dreams you feel are nothing but dust. You want to recover, or feel like there is something to extract from the terrible experience of heartbreak.

What should you do?

Click here for The Solution:



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