Showing posts with label Movies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Movies. Show all posts

4/23/16

iFlix and Bisaya Short Films

Chapter I: What is iFlix Internet TV?



" WARNING/REMINDER: WATCHING TOO MUCH ENTERTAINMENT CAN LEAD TO DEPRESSION, BUT ENGAGING IN TOO LESS ENTERTAINMENT IS UNHEALTHY, TOO. READ DAVID FOSTER WALLACE'S INFINITE JEST FOR REFERENCE. " , said A Very Preachy Blogger You're Too Cocky To Appreciate.


CEBU, APRIL 20, 2016 – iflix is Southeast Asia’s leading Internet TV service, offering  subscribers unlimited access to tens of thousands of hours of entertainment for a low  monthly price. Consumers can sign up for a 30-day trial with full access to all of iflix’s  world-class features and content without having to submit credit card or payment details to participate. Subscribers will instantly be able to enjoy: 
  • Unlimited access to iflix’s vast library of tens of thousands of hours of top quality Western, Asian and Local content; 
  • Access to iflix on up to 5 devices of their choice, whether phone, tablet, laptop, desktop, connected TV or other connected device; 
  • Share an iflix subscription and simultaneously watch different content on two different devices at the same time for each subscription;
  • Download & Watch Offline feature which allows iflix subscribers to download and enjoy the content of their choosing without a Wi-Fi connection.
CONCLUSION: Devour iFlix now, but not until you read novels and learned how not to use TV and Movies as a form of addiction to replace an unhappiness issue in your life that can only be cured by going to therapy. Eckhart Tolle's Power of Now can help you learn how not to consume too much capitalism.
BISAYA SHORT FILMS AND CEBU BLOGGING COMMUNITY AND iFLIX

Chapter II: Review of iFlix Service

Chapter III: Review of iFlix Movies

Movie Review of Brillante Mendoza's Movie, Thy Womb starring Nora Aunor and Lovi Poe

It is stunning and filled with "Detached From Ego" ideas necessary for people who want to deviate from suffering and will remind you of this line in Sylvia Plath's Channel Crossing:

Press Play to watch trailer of Thy Womb


Movie Review of Raya Martin's Festival de Cannes Awardee movie, Independencia:

It is timeless cinema in that it presents us a version of 1898 Philippine history in black and white Old Cinema format but is shot and processed in the 21st Century. 


Raya Martin's Independencia will remind you of that Jessica Zafra review of David Mitchell's novel, where she said something about a book being postmodern and at the same time traditional. So Independencia is traditionally modern or modernly traditional. 2016 is anti-irony, and so this movie is watched best during Throwback Thursdays.

For More Info on iFlix, click HERE


4/17/16

A Love Letter For Movie Star Ellen Adarna From Bisaya Short Films

Dear Ellen Adarna:




Have you seen the movie Mr. Right? It's about a girl who forgives, accepts and still loves a guy to death even if it's his job to kill people. The movie's interesting because it reminds me of Family Guy in that Peter Griffin is forgiven by his woman for whatever evil he's done so long as it's not cheating on another woman. What do you think of this, Ellen, that a man can kill or steal and can be forgiven and can even be praised but when one cheats, one should face a woman's wrath? Also, what do you think of this Nicholson Taleb aphorism?


What have you been watching lately by the way? I saw Hail Caesar, a Coen Brothers Film, which was a visual and musical treat that still tackled topics of sensational import, such as the hypocrisy of communism and capitalism, and the impossibilities of both. Another one good movie I saw is Soap Opera.


It's a movie that's intentionally made to be filled with bad actors, and real people placed in real situations acting like bad actors, all doing this to comment on how Filipinos seem to be so attached to their teledrama and soap opera drama TV show that they live their lives as if being in one.

Did you notice Ellen how Antifragile the movie is? Antifragility is when one is like a Hydra whose head multiplies and increases value once beheaded. Meaning, an antifragile Soap Opera will benefit from an attack/negative review because if you hate Soap Opera, it will be successful in pointing out that this attitude of Filipinos acting like bad TV Show characters is hate-worthy.

If you hated Soap Opera for its crude visual effects or its uninspired presumption that there are Cebuanos out there who would crime for burgers, bigger apartment and consumer junk , which I don't think you should, then you wouldve understood the movie's point: that it's your interpretation of what the reality of the poor people is, that needs to be questioned.

If you liked Remton Zuasola's Soap Opera, it might be because it's self aware of the Philosophy 101 cliche that what we think is real can be just an ABS CBN ad. Soap Opera stood out to me because it screams of Albert Camus' Theory of The Absurd.

Anyway, I wrote you this letter because I want to ask for your number. Let's talk.

Yours,
Richard Abad, Not Leonardo Di Caprio




4/9/16

10 Ways To Improve Cebu Using Ideas From Cinema And Your Sony Camera

Bisaya Short Films presents The People Behind Sony SM Seaside City

1. Go to a public place like Carbon and take photos of unenlightened drivers who overtake lanes and cause heavy traffic, and report them to authorities anonymously, like the way Edward Snowden did in his documentary. The high quality lens of the new Sony Camera DSC-H300 can get you to take photos from afar, protecting your identity.

2. Do a photoshoot with your pretty friends and start a fashion blog but attach "Stop Discrimination" Caption with every photo upload you make, so you're using  the internet (that the Katipuneros fought for) to build a nation, and not just build your ego.

This idea comes from Hollywood  star Emma Stone, where she covers her face with a paper that says "Support Habitat For Humanity" text, so when paparazzi takes her photo, the charity gains exposure . The Sony DSC-W800 is good for this project.

3. Go to Plaza Independencia. Talk about movies with your friends. Enjoy urban nature. But be vigilant. Look around. Do you see something? Then say something. See a crime? Report it to social media using your Sony smartphone that's equipped with powerful apps. See a person stealing? Take a photo of it.

Protect their identity but report what you should. This idea is from the photographer in the movie Shortbus, where a guy used a camera to save a person's suicide. The SEL55210 Lens from Sony will make this possible, but not until you have read first The Power of Now book on detaching from ego.

4. Go to SM Seaside City. See that crying girl? Ask her what's wrong. Connect. You're not as disconnected from her as social media made you to believe. Play Taylor Swift's Shake It Off in your Sony Xperia Z5 music player and share the earphones with her. Make her feel better. This idea is from the most wonderful movie you haven't seen, Once, starring Glen Hansard.

5. Go to Larsian. Take out your Sony Smartphone and interview with your high quality video cam the tinderas and tinderos of barbeque. Ask of their funny stories, of their tragedies, of their life. Document their life with a Sony Handycam FDR-AX100. Upload to Youtube. Share the wisdom to the online universe, and enlighten the world.

6. Go to Unitop Opon with your friends and buy a bulk order of plain white t-shirts because they're cheaper there compared in Cebu City. Then wear a white shirt for the whole month to promote minimalism and protest against complicated, wasteful ego-centric design. Document your friendly protest with a Sony Xperia Z5 Compact, a smartphone packed with powerful tech and features but in portable form. Friendly protests like this are inspired by the movie Dog Day Afternoon by Al Pacino.

7. Go to Tisa Elementary School and find the principal. Ask her who's the best singer there in High School. Videotape her singing with a Sony Handycam FDR-AXP55, upload on Youtube and get her popular. Create a market for her and by doing so, you promote Cebu and create more jobs for us.

8. Go to Mandaue Bridge and with your Sony Handycam HDR-PJ440, make a timelapse of the traffic in Mandaue. Livestream the traffic thru Youtube to show the world The Truth. Ask help from The Internet Universe. Be inspired by Lav Diaz' 8-hour-movie Hele Sa Hiwagang Hapis to be able to do this because you need stamina to get through the tortoruously long traffic.

9. Go to a Home For The Aged. Interview the seniors and ask them of the good old days. Document in video their testimonials and funny stories using a Sony Cybershot DSC-WX500 and learn about a kind of life that's different from yours.

10. Go to a park. Watch all the Bisaya Films to learn more about Cebu and its problems that you can solve. The high resolution in a Sony Experia phone is perfect for watching low-res, eco-friendly Bisaya Short Films. But don't watch films too much. Read The Power of Now to figure out what's too much.

The Sony Products mentioned above, including Personal Audio Headphones, Xperia Mobile devices and Sony Action Cam can be purchased today at Sony Centre outlet in SM Seaside. Here's an artistic Bisaya Short Film of their Grand Opening:

Please Click Photo to Read Sony Press Release



3/28/16

Bisaya Short Films Message for Lav Diaz of Hele Sa Hiwagang Hapis

Dear Lav Diaz:












Remember how it feels when you're eating three pieces of Siomai sa Tisa and 3 Puso and you still want another puso, but to your dismay, there's no more Puso to sell? That's how I feel after sitting for eight hours to finish your Hele Sa Hiwagang Hagpis. But how will you remember this when you probably haven't tried our Siomai Sa Tisa here in Cebu because you're probably vegetarian or haven't been in Tisa? 

Which means you should be here to try Siomai sa Tisa and do a film about how Tisa has a Siomai Festival and examine the celebration of Cebuanos on the fact that we eat pork, which is a byproduct of a mass slaughter of pigs, a nationwide act of murder on the weaker species, which I believe has also been a subject in your other movies that I also unwaveringly respect/love/am awed by: "Norte, The End of History", From Kung Saan Ang Noon, and "Butterflies Have No Memories".

Anyway, I have a list of thoughts that came to being before/during/after watching your 8-hour-long Berlin International Film Festival Awards winner Hele Sa Hiwagang Hapis (A Lullaby to the Sorrowful Mystery) that you sure could help me answer for the sake of The Nationhood that you implied in the Star Cinema Bloggers' Press Conference to be something that cultural workers like you, me, Bonifacio and Rizal should be responsible for:

1. Do you think that the existence of dark matter and black holes is the source of all the things that we label "evil/man's cruelty "? And what is the point of fighting when Death is always here anyway?





2. There's this book called Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle and it transformed me in a way that since the last time I read it (3 months ago), it's hard to say if I still have a suffering. I got through every potential threat of suffering by exerting the "Watch The Thinker" mindfulness approach, and also by exercising leveled-up effort of unlabelling the triggers that otherwise would've meant tears, heartache, emotional ache, attachment to suffering that would go compel me to grab the next Fast Food or Lechon Kawali or Fleeting Pleasure-Giver to augment the situation.




Which means: the module in the book, which involves ego- and time-detachment astoundingly works for me. Do you think Oryang and the rest of the sufferers who want to kill for pleasure would be free from their suffering if they knew how to employ The Power of Now? 

And what if the Filipinos that you consider are suffering, are actually not, and we are actually insulting those who are in pain by making up an entire epic of their suffering, and they might be actually happy because they unknowingly already employ The Power of Now approach that sustains them with unlimited happiness from "within"? 

And if all the characters do find a way out of the misery through Power of Now and there will be no more cheating partners, no murderers and no rapists, do you agree with me when I say that all our Cinema will then have just to be about events that celebrate Life Minus Suffering, in which there will still be calm suffering-free death perfectly presented in the intro scene in Kristin Wiig's Hateship Loveship but there will be less crying, less drama and more stoic acting perfected by the normal behaviour of cats?

And do you think the entire humanity's obsession with cats through Cat Youtube Videos is because we highly look up to cats because they seem to have figured out the Google Keyword to type to know how to get to the highest consciousness that frees one from (the appearance of) suffering?


3. I interpret the use of 8 hours of Hele sa Hiwagang Hapis as an entrepreneurial risk-taking that ended up working to its favor because it (accidentally) worked and the World Society's reception of it personified by Meryll Streep's appreciation is proof of success, and the Cinematic Gene Pool benefits for it. There's more of this analysis in Nicholson Taleb's Antifragility. Have you read it? There's a concept in the book about Convexity of Benefits, and your Hele fit in the context.

You took risks, and so you may have lost some energy and if you fit in the graph it will be a downward slope, and you took more risks and those little risks cost you and put you even in downward slope, but then later on, the risk worked to your favor because you received the funding/attention/supplies you need for your goal, and therefore the benefits went up, and if you graph this, it would be in the "Upside Down Mountain" Convex Shape. In the book, sustainable with high chances of survival entities/structures have to employ Convex-Shaped risks. Do you agree?


4. I've been reading Albert Camus. All your movies (that I saw) resonate everything that I think he's been all about, which was to embrace our own truths, to contradict ourselves all the time because that's the only way one can live in a life run by an indifferent universe and that means killing is both permissable and forbidden.

5. Other than the "You Can't Please Everyone" Cop-out Answer, what else can you say to those who say that you want your audience to suffer with your long self-indulgent egoistic amateur movies, knowing that I disagree with them because almost every frame in your Hele Sa Hiwagang Hagpis (A Lullaby To The Sorrowful Mystery) is so beautiful, I catch myself aroused, whispering "Oh my god", as if I'm looking at the immaculate 26-year-old body of my ex-girlfriend naked before me in bed?

How To Improve The Brillante Mendoza Film Festival To Stop Wasting Electricity of Cebu City

1. Two of us from the Media you invited couldn't attend the Brillante Film Festival, so our invitation was wasted, and a wasted invitation means we wasted energy in printing the invitation, and wasting the environment is not a very Brillante Mendoza thing to do. So maybe don't make the screening of the movies at 8a.m. in the morning where even director Remton Zuosela of the movie Swap is still asleep? 

And yes, saying that it's the students that we're targeting at 8a.m. means we're preying on the weak, because students may have no choice but to attend the unholy schedule because their teachers force them to do so or else they fail their Humanities class. Everything by force is ugly. U.P. students, can you relate?

2. If we advertise the Sinag Film Festival here in Cebu, can we at least get the films screened here in our Cebu City? It's awkward to advertise here in SM City Seaside a film festival that will only be held in Manila. If we can't get the film festival screened here, do we need to promote it in Cebu?

3. Let Brillante Mendoza and Remton Zuosela watch a Bisaya Short Film entitled "Maynila Sa Mga Kuko Ng Liwanag ng Ayala" because Brillante said in the SM Seaside press conference attended by Bisaya Short Films that Lino Brocka's Maynila Sa Kuko Ng Liwanag is his inspiration and because Remton is Cebuano and Bisaya Short Films is a Cebuano art renaissance-postmodern project. And because me, Richard Abad, is the creator of this Bisaya Short Film.


4. Just merge The Brillante Mendoza Film Festival with whatever is happening with The My City My SM My Art Project to save time and energy, and to gather more following for the Brillante Mendoza Film Festival because the My City audience can also join with Brillante. Also, separating the Film medium from My City My Art separates film from art, which is just plain silly. Watch this coverage of My City My SM My Art coverage to see it for yourself:





3/10/16

A Philosophical Movie Review of "Deadpool" Written By Deadpool Using Ideas From Albert Camus' The Rebel


"...their corruption is so dangerous, so active, that they have no other aim in printing their monstrous works than to extend beyond their own lives the sum total of their crimes; they can commit no more, but their accursed writings will lead others to do so, and this comforting thought which they carry with them to the tomb consoles them for the obligation that death imposes on them of renouncing this life.Thus his rebellious writings bear witness to his desire for survival. "- Albert Camus, The Rebel



I liked my movie. I made it fun, self-aware, but not too self-aware that David Foster Wallace can call it pretentiously self-aware. I made sure the movie's self-deprecating, then it's also simultaneously childish and unpretentious. It's entertainment, the kind of dumb entertainment that Eckhart Tolle in his Power of Now book says will put your mind in the State Below Thought, so you don't have to think anything the entire time you're watching me kill because, you know, I put you in the state of the now, which what Marijuana and other narcotics do. I will make you feel smart by watching me make jokes about Love Being Blind, and I will make you tell your friends that I Break The Sixteenth Wall, and you will get respect from how smart you appear to them. You're welcome. "


I am reminded of this thought by David Foster Wallace about the marketing trick these days that if a product is aware that it's not cool, then it's cool. That's how I made my movie. Here's another David Foster Wallace quote about irony and how sarcasm is a defense of people who are so lonely, they might kill people like me:"

 I find gifted ironists sort of wickedly funny to listen to at parties, but I always walk away feeling like I’ve had several radical surgical procedures. And as for actually driving cross-country with a gifted ironist, or sitting through a 300-page novel full of nothing by trendy sardonic exhaustion, one ends up feeling not only empty but somehow. . .oppressed.
  • - David Foster Wallace, E Unibus Pluram: Television and U.S. Fiction 


Love,
Deadpool

2/11/16

Fly To France This Valentine's Day With Silk Air and Watch French Films



Are you a Cebuano who joins annual Ayala French Film Festivals because you want the next Jacques Audiard film or any foreign film to enlighten you of your daily suffering living the Cebu City Life of heavy traffic, low wages and institutionalized corruption? 

Are you alone this Valentine's because you can't contact your ex-girlfriends, and because all your exes are out there making other men's lives a living hell because clearly these ex-girlfriends are so obsessed with hurting people, controlling them and playing power games with them that the only way they can be saved from their ego-run selves is by reading Eckhart Tolle's The Power of now, by the help of a professional mental therapist and by making amends with their parents, but they don't? 

Do you travel but not out of some ego-gratification popularized by what they call "The Selfie Generation", but you travel because you are invited to, say, South Korea to be a representative of the Philippine Government to defend the rights of marginalized persons with disability? 

If so, then you may want to travel to France and get a breather. And you need affordable promo fares from Silk Air to get to France quick because "SILKAIR CELEBRATES SIA’S 50TH YEAR IN THE PHILIPPINES WITH AMAZING FARES AND EXCLUSIVE TRAVEL PERKS"

It will also provide $50 cash back for every purchase of two tickets beyond Singapore of the same itinerary valid for travel until December 2016 or four tickets to Singapore of the same itinerary valid for travel from April 1 to June 30 and the whole month of December.
The promotional fares are available for the whole month of February for travel period until Dec. 31, 2016 to Singapore as well as to other destinations like Indonesia, Malaysia, India, Australia, and Europe. Passengers can also travel to Hong Kong, Japan, Korea, Dubai, Maldives, New Zealand and South Africa. - From Sun.Star

While you're still working extra hard to raise enough money for the tickets - which won't be a long time because look at the Silk Air promos in the link above that are so affordable, you might just need to work a few extra shifts in your call center job to get them - you can just watch more films and learn to detach from yourself and gain perspective of life away from your ego. 

Another Save Money For France Tip: Cut those P130 Frappucinos you are enslaved to buy. You know they're bad for you because they drown you with Diabetes Sugar, and you know why you still purchase them? Because your ego keeps telling you it makes you feel good. Stop feeding your ego.

Go to coffee shops, and bring a laptop and watch all of Steven Spielberg's movies. Go to Senyor Kimchi or Gibbs' Hot Wings alone on a lazy non-rush hour day where these spots are not crowded, and watch Leos Carax' Holy Motors or Lav Diaz' Norte, and you'll be so engrossed with such formless cinema masterpiece that to order a junk frappucino after the privilege of having seen these movies will be a shame, a decision beneath you. Here are two movies I watched that I suggest you should watch not necessarily in coffee shops because they have graphic sex scenes, but still:

Shortbus - It's a movie about Free Love, and why it cannot happen, unless everyone gets therapy. Yes, including Duterte.




Dogville - It's a movie about subjectivity of right and wrong and "the arrogance of forgiveness" and how most of the suffering is of your mind and ego's incessant creation by which you are enchained.



Book a flight and fly to France and watch French Cinema there not to escape from your suffering, but to carry the pain with you. Unless you get the help of a mental therapist, no amount of travel can help you escape your pain because you made your suffering your identity, and without your suffering, you assumed you'd have no identity, and to not know your identity, you feel, is worse than any amount of suffering. Including the suffering of living in an #Aldub nation.








1/9/16

A Bisaya Short Film Style Movie Review of Will Smith's Focus

by Guest Contributor Juanita Abad, retired writer/translator, like Lydia Davis



The movie proves that Will Smith is truly an actor for all seasons and all kind of films. In this movie, he plays a con man mentoring a very pretty white lady who happens to make conning her livelihood. They become lovers and partners in conning rich men who frequent rich parties and places. 

They are very skilled in what they are doing, very organized and very disciplined. The key to a successful con activity is focus, which means if you focus on stealing an expensive watch, focus on something else, like his bag. He gets distracted, and that is the perfect timing to grab his watch without his knowing it. 

The character Will Smith is playing comes from a family of con artists, starting from his grandfather to his father. He tells his pretty student that his father killed his grandfather to get out of a life-and-death situation. "Never hesitate to kill your partner if necessary," is his guiding mantra.

One successful and impressive con activity was with a Chinese gambler who bets on anything that comes his way. The hotel where the betting will take place has numbers hanging on every corner as some sort of decoration. The idea was to instill in this gambler these three numbers. Being superstitious, he thinks these three numbers will bring good luck. Smith lets him win along the way. When the betting reaches the final round, he bets on the three numbers he sees all over the hotel. This time he loses, and Smith has calculated that these three numbers will bring downfall and enormous loss to this Chinese.

Years later their paths crossed again. The pretty girl is being used by his father for another con activity. Will Smith is also targetting the same victim. How to extricate themselves from this dilemma? It is something Smith did not prepare himself for, that is when he falls in love with another con artist. 

Well, to end the story, Will Smith gets the girl but not the money. His father wins but the lovers as well as partners get to live happily ever after, not to mention they can still plan another con activity.

- this movie review is written by Guest Contributor Juanita Abad, retired writer/translator, like Lydia Davis

1/8/16

A Food Review of SM CITY CEBU'S Kublai Khan For The Viewers of The Food Movie "Chef"

Dear Everyone Who Has Seen Jon Favreau's movie, Chef:

The thing about food is that you can have too much of it and you still can feel the hunger that no food can fill. You know why? Because you're eating the wrong food, the wrong ingredients. People get depressed just by eating the wrong food, and by wrong I mean the type that every article in your Facebook Timeline would label as: junk, bad for you, filled with toxins, laced with all kinds of ingredients that your friends say are just there to make you sicker because there are faceless corporate overlords who make money out of your sickness. The sicker people get, the richer some people become. There's truth in that.


What Kublai Khan's business model in their food resto in their SM City Cebu Foodcourt branch understands the importance of healthier food, even if not intentionally. Look at how they present their food: you go get a bowl, you pick your own ingredients, and you can add as many good food power food such as green vegetables, cabbage, and bean sprouts as you like. You can go with a bowl that's rich with just bean curd, onions, greens, peppers that are rich with Vitamin C, and you can just ask the cook to saute it for you in the least amount of oil, or no oil at all, or you can use sesame oil. 


You can go with your diet and still feel like you're eating a delicious filling meal because what other feeling do you feel when you're eating something straight out of the bowl? I think it's from Health.com that the way you eat food also affects how much full you can fill. If you eat in a little plate and fill the plate to the brim, you're tricking your brain that you're eating a lot and so you eat less. I just blew your mind.

Anyway, you can go achieve your daily target goal of veggies by going to Kublai Khan, and just put in your bowl all the carrots, and squid and a little bit of rice that your bowl can fill, and you're now all fueled for the day ahead. 





If you're a filmmaker and you have a film crew needing some good fresh variety of veggies to balance their otherwise meat-heavy Junk Fast Food meals during production, then Kublai Khan should be something to consider when you're near SM CITY Cebu. Who knows? Your film crew could be so chemically transformed by the vegetables that they have no choice but to eat because that's the catering for that day, that they can produce better film material. They can suddenly be happier with their work during production because their body is detoxified by the intake of veggies. Thereby, your film might be actually better. Your mind blown away again.

In the movie Chef directed by Jon Favreau, you can see that there is beauty in food that is so worthy of attention, that one should make a film about it starring no less than Scarlett Johanssen and Robert Downey Jr. In Kublai Khan, the beauty of food is in its healthy ingredients. Dig in.

Yours,
Not Mine

Hit Play To Play Scenes from The Movie Chef






12/21/15

A Letter To Carey Mulligan Requesting Her To Visit Robinsons Galleria Cebu to Make Bisaya Short Films




Dear Carey Mulligan:

Have you been here at Robinsons Galleria? Because there's an organic locally produced store that's not a multicorporation and it sells Malunggay Ice Cream. Malunggay is a power food, like Kale, but the Cebuanos made them into an ice cream that just tastes so good, it makes me want to watch your movie An Education again.


I wish I could bring you to Robinsons Galleria eat some healthy salad with you at the Robinsons Selections because the salad bar there is the only one in Cebu City that seems to offer Vinaigrette and other healthier sauces that people who are not you and who are not as tasteful and detail-oriented as you, couldn't appreciate.

I look forward to a future when I can watch a movie with you at the Robinsons MovieWorld, especially if it's your movie. Did you know Robinsons is a strong supporter of the more refined film culture in the Philippines? Some Cinemas here don't offer a selection of fine art Filipino movies that are highly guaranteed to become Criterion Selection movies, like your movie An Education, but Robinsons has a record of supporting films of Cinemalaya Festival, which is the Cannes Film Fest of the Philippines.




I look forward to receiving your response on this open letter, so we can schedule a date and I can let you taste Sans Rival, the greatest sweet you might never have tasted if you ignored this invitation to come here in Cebu, Philippines.




After that, I can get you to eat some healthy Pita bread burger at Wasted Chefs, which is the only place in town that gets their herbs for their pizza straight out of their store's garden. Pizza and Shawarma there are Italian and tastes so good, you might reconsider your decision to be vegan. 









Or are you not already vegan? Anyway, my email is bisayawriter(@)gmail(.)com, if you want to hang.




Yours,
Richard Abad
Creator of Bisaya Short Films







11/9/15

A Movie Review of Sam Mendes' "Spectre" In The Form of A Letter To Senator Bam Aquino


Dear Filipino Senator Bam Aquino:


Sam Mendes' Spectre is fun. It's brilliant. It's filled with magnificent shots and tracking-shot and other cinematic tricks that you can only get from a director who has seen the great classics of Italian Cinema, which include La Dolce Vita.

If you're here to correct me by saying that La Dolce Vita is not an Italian film or you're the type of person who picks at anybody by shouting to their face that their "Phony!" for being mistaken on whether Federico Fellini is Italian, then you might be racist enough to get out of this blog, and start medicating yourself with exercise and diet.

If you're still bothered by people being wrong and by people who name-drop directors because you believe these are phony people who pretend that they know anything, then you might need anti-anxiety and depression medication. Visit Jessica Zafra's blog for help.


Sam Mendes' Spectre is fascinating, and powerful enough to not get you asleep when you're watching a 10pm screening at Ayala. Monica Bellucci is a delight to see crying, and is a fantasy you decided will be real soon. You want to make a Bisaya Short Film about your experience in watching Spectre, but you decide against it because that is not something that normal people do, and you don't want not to be accepted by people you mistake as friends but are actually out there to game you, to fool you, to provide you enough triggers to no longer want to get out of your bed. By the way, the enemy in Spectre is Pale King, which is the title of the posthumous book of David Foster Wallace before he ended his being The Most Excruciatingly Brilliant Novelist of Our Time by killing himself. Have you read that book? I gave my copy to an accountant because the collection of stories is mostly about an accountant who levitates above the boredom of paperwork, which is something that all of our BIR employees can relate to.


Daniel Craig's face is a performance in itself, and he doesn't need to do anything to let us know that he's got the sexual energy enough to pull through a sensual encounter with The Monica Bellucci. Don't watch Daniel Craig's Spectre if you're Rohanna My Friend because the movie is filled with classic symphony music that lulls you to sleep, but if you're me and you revel in the symmetrical frames signature of Wes Anderson and you found elegance in the movies Interstellar, Mad Max: Fury Road, Holy Motors and Once, then you have to watch Spectre/it again. 

Also, don't forget to remind Telstra that they should be here in the Philippines in April now, like you said in the interview, okay? Also, did you know that the biggest enemy of Daniel Craig is a Filipino in the face of Dave Batista? I learned it from Jessica Zafra, and Jessica being the name of The Queen in Dune, the book you're planning to read. How's the book?

Love,
Richard Abad
bisayawriter(at)gmail(dot)com
society6.com/richardabad

10/14/15

How Not To Feel Alone With Eliza Luthman's It Felt Like Love

Problem: Your mother died. 


Your mother died of cancer. Your mother died of cancer and now you're alone. Your mother died of cancer and now you're alone with your dad in a world where 16 yr olds have sex, where pointlessness is the point and where you die either way.

You don't want to feel alone. What do you do?

Solution: Watch Eliza Luthman's It Felt Like Love and Start Feeling Less Alone


First, enjoy the beautiful catchy title. Second, pretend you're a disturbed male and enjoy watching the girls dancing in the movie  Then appreciate its cinematography and camera's sharp attention to details of male and female skin.
Then when you reach the penultimate scene, ask yourself: did she do it on him, or the three of them, or did she do it at all?

Finally, think about this: the point of Eliza Luthman's melancholic coming-of-age movie is that no one but yourself knows whether you did what others thought you didn't and in the world where you wear masks to cope with loss of innocence, 



the best way to deal with the days is dance.

9/11/15

A Heartbreak Problem That A Bisaya Short Film With Anna Kendrick Will Solve

Problem: You're bored and heartbroken because your husband of ten years left you for another girl, and then it later turned out that he's officially diagnosed with ADHD by a Filipino psychiatrist. 

You feel lost, tired and all dreams you feel are nothing but dust. You want to recover, or feel like there is something to extract from the terrible experience of heartbreak.

What should you do?

Click here for The Solution:



8/26/15

3 Reasons Cebuanos Are Watching Zac Efron's "We Are Your Friends"

Photo Credited to http://i1.mirror.co.uk/



1.  Emily Ratajkowski - Remember the fluttering butterflies inside your stomach when you were watching the main girl in Robin Thicke's Blurred Lines music video dance the way Uma Thurman did in Quentin Tarantino's Pulp Fiction? Those butterflies should come back because the main girl Emily Ratajkowski is a star in We Are Your Friends. She's not my friend, though. Not that I want her JUST to be my friend. (call me)

2. The Psychedelic Animation - If you love art the way Cebuanos love Siomai Sa Tisa, then the paintings turned alive in the movie after Zac Efron took ecstasy will be a delightful, colorful treat.

The movie is about how artists find their way to becoming what they should be: people who use art to translate the WhoGoat energies in their bodies into some tactile product that other people can connect to in order to feel less alone, less lonely, and more alive.


Translating this whole premise is not the most elegant part of the movie, but the animation should very well make up for it.



3. Seeing A Poster That Says "James REED LIVE" - When this poster came out in the movie, the audience giggled and I didn't know why until my friend reminded me that James Reid is a popular young actor from Viva Films Philippines, the movie's producer, which led us to ask:

is this movie about Nadine Lustre and James Reid? Are we Filipinos so popular now, that huge stars like Zac Efron make movies based on us? In that case, Where's My Talent Fee?



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This Bisaya Short Films Review is NOT presented to you by
MOOSHI Healthy Drinks available at Ayala Center Cebu.





3/3/15

3 Existential Questions About Matthew Vaugn's Kingsman




1. I only like Kingsman for political reasons, for the lack of a better word, because if we want violence out of our system, shouldn't we stop watching an entertainment, especially parodies, that capitalizes on it?

2. Enjoying Kingsman feels like watching a baby get stabbed in the head because it's art.

3. Next to the Bourne series' fight scenes Kingsman's is the most beautifully choreographed. But what does it say about me enjoying a piece of media that is tailored in cutting people in half?


2/17/15

Jackie Chan's Dragon Blade Is About Everything Because China Makes Everything

Albert Camus The Philosopher said that the beauty of Greece is that it's extremely neutral. They don't do extremes. They don't die for the worship of reason, nor abandon beauty for the name of God or something like that I dunno I'm not the Greece nerd. Anyway, them Greeks never take themselves seriously, like the makers of Danielle Lee's movie, Dragon Blade.

What makes Dragon Blade fun is that it's shallow and it knows that. Which is ironic, because you know that the movie's about an alternate history where the Shakespearean drama in Rome is set in China. This is shown at the start to have been discovered by satellites, lasers and a cast member of the Korean pop group F4. No, I'm not kidding. F4 is really here.

In short, the movie is a futuristic but ancient, tragic musical comedy epic, filled with a love triangle, dance numbers and construction workers who build weapons so fast, my friend thinks they're employees of Dakay Construction. 


So basically the movie's about every known movie genre there is. Which makes sense, because this movie is made in China, where everything is made.

Words I CANNOT use to describe Dragon Blade: pretentious, deep, beautiful as a whole, non-postmodern, movie with tasteless cinematography, racist

Special Mention: Jackie Chan's dubbed voice makes him sound like he's chewing some Pancit Canton. Pancit and Canton are chinese words haha I'm making a joke. 

2/10/15

7 Things That Come To Mind After Watching The Taking of Deborah Logan


          This Is NOT Deborah Logan

1. Wow, I still don't have a job and who's going to pay for my medical bills when I start losing my mind like this Deborah Logan lady? She's badass, though. She's old and still fighting evil. OR IS EVIL.

I wonder what my Lola Towing of The Lola Towing Show would think of this movie? I bet she and Logan would be cool friends and lovers, because you know Logan is Wolverine and he doesn't age?

2. I definitely need a job to be happy. But I'm going to die anyway, and heaven is not real, what's the point?

3. Heaven is real, heaven is real. Ohmagad, I sound like Franny of J.D. Salinger's Franny and Zooey because I chant words to convince myself with a lie.



3. I just sold a Panty Rose. It's a plastic rose but coiled at the center of the petals is a pair of hot red lace panties. And I just lost to a letter-writing contest judged by Judge Simeon Dumdum. I don't trust that judge. He's very JUDGEmental. Haha, get it? Judges judge, so I'm offending no one haha I'm joking please don't sue me.

I wonder what Simeon Dumdum would say about Deborah Logan? Or about this movie that we thought was directed by Bryan Singer?

4. I don't like it as a whole but it has impressive editing and photography, so it's okay. 

5. Watch it if you really really enjoy gore and suffering and torture and cancer and snakes and devils and kidnapped children. 

6. The movie is an okay fun because how are you supposed to enjoy watching a woman on the brink of Alzheimer's?

7. The daughter of Deborah Logan is like a Rene Zelweggerized Joan Cusack.


1/13/15

10 Things To Learn From Woody Allen’s “Everyone Says I Love You” To Survive Love





I’ve seen all of Woody Allen’s movies; or at least those listed in IMDB and not those being kept hidden in Rupert Murdoch’s golden chests that only Hitler and Orson Welles’ Citizen Kane have access to. Woody Allen’s movies are always a gem, but the brightest,  arguably most gorgeous of them is Everyone Says I Love You starring gorgeous young hotbabes Julia Roberts, Goldie Hawn, Natalie Portman, etc. 

The movie’s not only hands-down beautiful, it’s filled with modern day wisdom on love and heartbreak. Here’s a list of these science-based Love 101 Lessons, so the next time love hits you rock-bottom, you’re less likely to grab the nearest credit card, vodka or blade ala David Fincher’s Gone Girl.

1. Everybody Doesn’t Say I Love You

Charles Ferry: If you were my girl, I'd make love to you in every room of the house, on every table top, on every rug…

Schuyler Dandridge: We also have some lovely Early American chandeliers...


They just don’t. People who are in love protect their words like they’re original first-edition copies of The Catcher in The Rye or Fifty Shades of Grey (whatever floats your boat, man; no judgment). In fact, the reason you don’t get to hear the desperately wanted sweet nothings from your partner has evolutionary, practical roots: saying the words has no utility value and so has no reason to exist.


A research done this 2005 from Baruch College and University of New York shows that you can survive without it. In fact, it was only in the late 20th century that these words became a longtime standard. There doesn’t seem no indication that our early neanderthal roots had any use in saying I Love Yous, or whatever their version of Ich liebe dich is, in wooing a hot, foxy ape mate. So the next time you’re pained by not hearing these words said out loud to you in a boombox like John Cusack in Say Anything, just chill out because you don’t need it. Saying them three words ain’t eco-friendly, my brother.




2. You’re not falling out of love, you just need sleep.

Laura: [singing] I'm through with love, I'll never fall again!
Steffi: What are you talking about? You're only 14!

When Woody Allen’s character in the movie gets a heartbreak because he’s been replaced by a more interesting, neurotic man, he sings he’s through with love and all. But is he really? Or he’s just been lacking sleep from all that neurosis and ramblings that pan to the audience’s need for irony-filled weighty stories?

Ask a neurotic or your nurse friend who’s been watching Homeland episodes and five bucks you’ll be told that all the manic depressives who complain about not feeling alive and in love with life are straight off deprived of sleep. Science backs this up. Find any article on Scientific American and they’ll tell you one thing: inability to sleep is a major red flag for depression. And depression is just often this fancy term for being screwed by the memory of your ex. Lesson: when you start hating love or feeling out of love, get to the nearest nurse friend who can get you the cheapest deals on a shrink, escitalopram and Quietipine, and Major Depression anti-depressants. Get your thyroid checked, too; your lack of love must just be your lack of a functional thyroid glands.

INTERLUDE


3. People Who Break Your Heart May Have Tumors

I don’t want to spoil anything, but let me just say that there’s a scene in the movie where a son of a liberal conservative wants everyone to bear arms. This is horrible, destructive and outright loony for the father who espouses peace and welfare state. It turns out one of them, father or the son, has a tumor and their decisions and behaviour turn out to be just a side effect of the lodged unwanted brain meat. 

This is a humongous powerful idea. Could it be that the mean people that break up with us don’t deserve our death wishes but actually need medical support? This just means that whenever you’re in love, get your brain checked for tumors first. Or whenever someone breaks up with you, try to check if they’re not textbook sociopaths. You can watch that new movie Obvious Child from Jenny Slate for how love and sociopathy can be linked.

4. Love Is For The Homeless, Too

Photographer Rosie Holtom has a powerful online gallery showcasing portraits of fashionably hip people who look so vibrant and are also so homeless. Not the depraved poor homless, but the dignified, empowered unprivileged who have a better life view than anyone of us reading this from our entitled lives. 

The point of the collection, it seems, is to show us that you can’t just assume that the homeless people can’t have the luxuries the privileged have, which include vogue clothes and romance. If you think that the homeless people can be in love, too, you’d be more hopeful the next time you break up with someone knowing that you can always have a homeless person nearby to love or be loved by. 

There’s an intro scene in Everyone Says I Love You where the homeless are pridefully singing the hymn of love and sharing it all to the streets, not unlike that homeless hero in Drillbit Taylor.

5. Failed Love Means Success

We don’t need to tell you how heartbroken and destroyed people in Holywood become instant success stories in their fields. Just read up on the break-up stories of Taylor Swift and how each of her hit songs comes from a detailed retelling of her flings and you’ll know that heartbreaks pay off millions. 

In Everybody Says I Love you, Goldie Hawn’s divorced character becomes an esteemed champion for providing European cuisine for criminals in jail, and have made a name out of it. You could be the next person to give people a chance to improve their lives and then improve your levels of success. Imagine the stories you can sell to Wattpad or The New Yorker just for that filthy, passionate failures you had in Paris with a man you would never want to meet again.

6. You Could Have An Infinity of 3-Minute Passions
George Clooney. That’s the name we should mention first when we talk of 3-minute passions. A 3-minute passion, according to Urbandictionary, is when you intensely desire something or someone and die from that interest in about 3 minutes. George Clooney has more girls he has 3-minute passions with than there are probably fake George Clooney accounts on Facebook. 

In Everybody Says I Love You, everyone swears to their deaths that their love for someone is forever. Until when they move on to the next lover. Remember this always and you’ll be hurt less in your next love game.

7. You Can Travel More

What you can instantly pin down in Everybody Says is that everyone’s travelling to expensive destinations. Woody Allen’s character lives both in New York and Paris which is nothing short of time travelling. Julia Roberts writes books in a language foreign to hers. 

Natalie Portman’s character travels in different towns. If you’re heartbroken and could not see the good of the pursuit of the love, just remember the places you travelled when you were in the chase and you’ll learn that: to travel is what love was about after all.

8. Friendship Is The New Love

Goldie Hawn’s character is still friends with Woody Allen’s, and Woody Allen’s still asks love advice from Goldie Hawn’s husband’s character. It’s so charming, it’s genius. This idea of friendship forever has enveloped the core of famous TV shows like 30 Rock, Big Bang Theory and How I Met Your Mother but it was only in Woody Allen’s movie that the message of cherishing lasting friendships more than the ephemeral flings is gorgeously delivered.

9. Life’s More Interesting Without Love

Everyone in Everyone Says I Love You seems to live interesting, rich lives, even if they just don’t do anything other than sit around and read. The maid who’s been through the Nazi years in the movie lives a richer life than the ones who have lived through just casual flings. Just go to the nearest Criterion Selection tab in your Favorite Movie Subscription Website and get some Eric Rohmer movies and you’ll learn that even planning for the next trip is a one catapult to a fantastic story. Which should tell you that: if you’ve been through an unimaginable heartbreak, imagine the book you can sell to Hollywood writing about it. The money, the money!





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