Dear Anna Kendrick:
Did you know your movie Pitch Perfect was a fantastic hit here in the Philippines? How amazing would it be if you visited us and thanked us Cebuanos personally for our support!
I could tour you around Cebu, and we can eat Tempura and Pungko2x near Fuente, or drink the Fruit Shake at UCMA in I.T. Park, and you and I can just talk about films, philosophy, romance, and red pandas, which you said in an interview with Conan O' Brien are things you're obsessed with.
I don't think we have red pandas here in Cebu, because we don't seem to have a legit zoo here that every kid can enjoy because all our taxpayers' money goes to paying politicians to destroy our roads every election season.
Politicans destroy roads so they can request for more funding from the government and increase their political family's success. You might know how Filipino politics works from making your movie Rocket Science.
Speaking of red, red is also the color of the logo of this wonderful restaurant I'd like to bring you, my dear Anna Kendrick, woman of my dreams, potential keeper of my formless ego-free heart. The resto is called Rico's Lechon and it's a wonderful, cozy, family resto with a home-style ambience. Here's one good reason for you to go there with me:
1. The Rico's Lechon is a Cebuano brand, and not a brand imported from the U.S. or Europe that takes away money from our country.
Imagine you or Scarlett Johanssen or Jennifer Lawrence or Brad Pitt eating Rico's Lechon dipped in Sukalami? How wonderful would that be?
How helpful can that be to the entire Cebu economy! Of course, there might be hidden costs of celebrities all around the world flooding to Cebu to try Rico's lechon.
There might be rise of misbehaving foreigners, rise of abuse in our night life scene, rise of noise pollution in beach areas because of the inflow of such foreigners, but the bloggers of Cebu are guardians against abuse, so we shouldn't worry about that.
Anyway, the Rico's Lechon serves delicious, arguably most delicious, roasted suckling pig. One of the best, if not The Only Best, lechon can be eaten at Rico's.
And if you bring your vegetarian friends such as Ellen de Generes and Woody Allen, they can still enjoy here the tasty Trio of Seaweed Salad and Mung Bean Soup.
Dip the Seaweed Salad into the famed Rico's Lechon vinegar called Sukalami, and you not only get the functional health properties of vinegar that can help you lessen your physical and emotional suffering, but you also enjoy a tasty exquisite dip with a lingering wasabi effect.
And Rico's Lechon is also a perfect place for your most avid Cebuano fans to gather because the Rico's Lechon branch at Mactan Promenade can house families, including families of the Houses of Lannisters and Starks!
Think about it: we can all go to Rico's Lechon at Mactan Promenade (just Google Maps the direction), enjoy their wonderful selections, and you and I can talk about our interests in Lav Diaz' cinema, Marcel Proust's literary influence to your career, and what working with George Clooney is like!
With this meeting at Rico's Lechon, we can talk around and find a way to ask all your influential Hollywood celebrity friends to help our problems here in Cebu, such as:
- the Lack of Drinking Water in Moalboal
- the heavy A.S. Fortuna Traffic that for now will only be solved by an alien attack such as in the movie Independence Day because this apocalypse will wipe out the traffic roads to extinction.
- the rising number of Cebuano girls who only say yes to being some guy's girlfriend if the guy has a car.
All these problems can be solved by eating at Rico's Lechon, Anna Kendrick. So what do you say? Give me your number and come over here.