Showing posts with label duterte solves Philippines. Show all posts
Showing posts with label duterte solves Philippines. Show all posts


How Duterte Can Cure Philippines Using This Movie Review of London Has Fallen

The easiest, laziest way for a Cebuano moviegoer to review London Has Fallen is to say that it's a dumb but entertaining action movie with cliche scenes and bad CGI, but what are we gaining from such negative review? 

Do we help enlighten Cebuano's lives by saying that London Has Fallen is a waste of your money? 

It's a waste of electricity and internet to critic movies this way, so let me write a letter to Presidentiable Duterte instead, asking him to use the ideas learned in Olympus Has Fallen to cure our nation.

Dear Duterte:
You can learn a lot from watching London Has Fallen to become the best President of the Philippines. Here are the movie's ideas:

1. In the movie, you'll see Gerard Butler drinking water from a plastic bottle taken out of his home ref . It's 2016, and he drinks bottled water inside his house? He can't drink water from a refillable pitcher for less carbon footprint the way we Cebuanos do? 

London has fallen because it still uses plastic. Eliminate plastic bottles when you're president, Dear Duterte.

2. The entire London economy shut down in the movie when the terrorists attacked, costing not only lives, but also the operation of coffee shops, malls and restaurants where Overseas Filipino Workers might be hanging out, chatting with their Filipino families via Skype using Free Mall Wifi (Filipinos are smart queens and kings). 

Filipinos in the movie who were desperately dependent on updating their Facebook Walls must've been devastated that no one could read their humble brag posts when London went down! Help them, Duterte!

So if you're the president, Mr. Duterte, do the Filipinos in London Has Fallen the favor by making sure what happened in the movie won't happen in the Philippines. Solution? Make Facebook OFFLINE for everyone! 

What is Facebook Offline?

Facebook Offline is when it's mandatory that people under a certain age can't upload to their Regular Facebook until they're able to talk with their families and friends face to face without the intervention of the internet for a certain period, so they lose dependency to the internet and they won't kill themselves when the Internet dies, which might happen next week.

Offline Facebook is when people talk with other people in real life and not inside some pretentious virtual fakery that is Online Facebook, thereby promoting real healthy face-to-face conversation between Filipinos, lowering the chances of getting kids so lonely that they resort to marijuana, saving electricity from less Facebook usage and actually letting this generation still see what an actual face still looks like. 

Who knows? Offline Facebook could even get Cebuanos to experience Offline Love, where two Cebuanos are in healthy relationships that don't involve the use of emojis, even if they're fun to use.


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