How President Duterte and Fatcow Burgers Can Help Hungry Cebu

Cebuano Problem : 

There may be two kinds of hungry Cebuanos: the "I Can Buy Ten Burgers Just For Fun" Hungry, and the "I Come From Abusive Parents In A Corrupt Government, So I Just Dig For Food at I.T. Park Trash Cans" Hungry.

I figured I'm of the first kind. The street children I can ultimately do nothing about because the universe has its reasons why suffering exists, is of the second kind.  

I learned more about how the universe doesn't seem to care about our suffering by watching John Lloyd Cruz' Honor Thy Father, and reading Albert Camus. Google it.

Anyway today I found out that FatCow Burgers and Malts is now at Robinsons Galleria; they opened here a year ago.

I read somewhere that FatCow milkshakes are wonderful. So with the facts above, I asked myself: If I had P100,000, what would I do?

Answers for Cebuano Problem:

1. I would go to Fatcow Burgers and buy 100 of the most delicious Angus and Sirloin burgers they have, such as The Bbq Hawaiian and Notorious B.I.G., which I both sampled and liked . I would eat one, and go to Vicente Sotto Hospital and give away the rest and feed random patients, overworked nurses and underslept doctors there, unless they refuse to, for diet restrictions.

I would also buy them Fat Cow Vanilla milkshakes, the malted kind, not the regular one, because it's so good, I caught myself saying I wanna marry it. In Japan, you can marry a comics. Maybe in Cebu, we can marry a Vanilla Milkshake?

2. I would put up a Duterte's Kitchen near Capitol where homeless people can just eat Fatcow burgers for free, provided Cebu City CCTV can prove they've been homeless for at least 3 days. 

I would stock the Duterte's Kitchen with all the Fat Cow milkshakes and burgers everyday because Fat cow says they use premium beef and the homeless deserve the best. (Insert your laugh here).

But a nutritionist should maintain the place to make sure the homeless don't forget to eat their fruits and vegetables first. Hehe.

3. I would not recommend Cebuanos to follow this suggestion because of hidden risks in building a Duterte's Kitchen. This idea is for me alone. Or you can follow it at your own risk. 


Solutions for Teachers from Globe Prism

Problem: Cebuano students are smarter than their teachers in terms of computing. How can teachers keep up?

Solutions That May or May Not Apply To You :

1. The Prism Project by Globe. It's a partnership project of Globe Telecom and University of Cebu to make teachers more skillful in digital technology. The idea is promising but at what cost?

1.a. It's brave of Globe to propose the Prism project and accept to pay for the cost of this idea, knowing that digital education may have hidden risk we can't predict yet and knowing that in the movie Get A Job starring Anna Kendrick, we learn that an employee who made use of new tech to optimize his work got laid off because he was now replaced by the tech. Too much technology made him lose his job!

1.b. It's good to know that Globe seems to be aware that whatever the damage of their tech, they will be there to face it, like how in Hammurabi Times when the architect is put to death when the building she builds collapses.

1.c. It's about time in Duterte's time that even people from Globe learn to have Skin In The Game.

2. The Ideas of Nassim Taleb.
Writer Nassim Taleb's ideas remind us that those who offer products should pay the price in case they fail us or they harm us; that we should be careful of digital technology because of hidden risks; that executives and salespeople (not from Globe, wink) who tell you their products are good for you sometimes only say so because they're selling you a product.

2.a. You never ask a barber if you need a haircut, remember?
Don't be a naive sucker. Be critical of people who tell you what's good for you. They just maybe want your business.

Click play to hear Taleb discuss Skin In The Game.

2.b. Taleb's ideas are important for Cebu because he reminds us that rich civilized countries have the lowest literacy rate, so academic education is not a necessity and sometimes harms you because schools can make us dumb for overfeeding useless noise disguised as knowledge.

2.c. Taleb reminds us that Cebuanos probably don't need expensive college degrees to stay rich because maybe Cebu's wealth is not a product of UP and USC, et al. UP and USC may just be a product of Cebu's wealth. Wealth that must've come from underpaid labor and feudal slaves a.k.a. employees, but that's just me.

So thank you Globe and UC.


Not A Movie Review of Beauty and The Beast at SM Seaside City

Dear Cebu: Undecided on whether Beauty and the Beast at SM Seaside City is worth your money? A taxi driver I know in Cebu City said that when you have to choose between two things, take neither. 

That said, I'm watching the movie again because it's that good/bad. This time in 3D. Now below is what is not a movie review. Here's its trailer:

A. The movie officially opens tomorrow, but Bisaya Short Films went to an advance screening yesterday to "help" you decide whether it's worth your money, and so here's a blog that I don't want you to read because this is not for you. It's an IQ thing.

  • B. I say "help" because one, you never ask a barber if you need a haircut two, a barber always says you need a haircut to get your money. I'm the barber here.

C. Skip this, but you know what? You're going to change your mind anyway, so why read what is not a movie review?

Telling you to watch Beauty and The Beast is like teaching birds how to fly and birds already know how to fly, so why teach them? 

D. Is it because we want to exploit birds aka people and make money off people's ignorance? I learned that Birds quote from Nassim Taleb. Google him.

E.  Leave now! I don't want to pay for the price should Beauty and the Beast disappoint you, even if I'm watching it again after it opens tomorrow. Why? No reason, and to be alive is to detach from reason. 

G. Skip this, but people say Beauty and the Beast is overrated and dumb and should not be watched because it has a gay scene. That's a reason to watch it again. 

H. Better: forget all the words here and read all @nntaleb 's writings instead because he reminds us, like in this movie, that love without sacrifice is theft.

I. Skip this, but Limousine Driver Nassim Taleb is better than many of us bloggers in Cebu who generate more garbage in the streets and create more traffic and noise and confusion for Cebuanos because when we recommend, say, a restaurant, call center agents flock to that place, and then increases traffic in Escario area and more restaurants mean more garbage.

J. But we bloggers are also here to help you not waste your money. So we're here to help AND cause you harm. We're both, like everyone. Hurray!

Now back to what is not a movie review of Beauty and the Beast:

1. Beauty and the Beast at SM Seaside City made me gasp and shriek a wow in awe during the Be My Guest Musical number , maybe because it was like watching the majestic Coen's Brothers' movie Hail Caesar but with the most fantastic dance numbers and choice play of colors and the exciting song selection that withstood the test of time so well that it made me feel the power of the arts, the lustre of words, their beautiful  meaninglessness, that made me remember what life is not about and made me forget for a minute how the real enemy here is the silence of the universe/God that doesn't seem to care if we kill an ominous disenchanted brooding animal that threatens our values.

Dammit, it's Albert Camus' existentialism.

2. Beauty and the Beast is surrealism and Lynchian because it features tables, chairs and candelabra that talk. Surrealism means anything can mean anything. 

And so this means the movie has infinite meanings and only means what we want it to. A freedom of meanings! Challenge accepted! Let's play:

First, Beauty and the Beast can mean that it's a movie about Extrajudicial Killings, where a mob of irate people just want bloodshed just because it feels human to kill and evolution thrived because the weak die while our bodies become stronger when cells die.

Beauty and the Beast at SM Seaside City is also about people who tell you how to talk and write and tell you that they hate your writing because it's dis
ted and incoherent, knowing deep down
that hatred is disguised love.

Second, Beauty and the Beast can mean that it's about how we should deal with toxic people like Gaston and Lumiere and how the real enemy is ourselves. Ourselves who roll eyeballs at unsophisticated statements like the previous sentences because it sounds unstylish and clogged, and we're all about looking cool and detached because beauty is currency.

Third, Beauty and the Beast is a movie about how depression and non-acceptance can imprison you the way the Beast imprisoned itself/himself.

Fourth, Beauty and the Beast is about how our attachment to the past and impatience of the future makes us want to devalue our present.

Fifth, Beauty and the Beast is about the movie Paterson.

Sixth, Beauty and the Beast is about how I can only recommend people to watch this movie at SM Seaside City because you might have an inferior experience elsewhere. I had superior Large Screen Format experience at SM.

Seventh, Beauty and the Beast is a symbolism of how Cebu City generates dumb citizens who worsen the traffic situation because of universities like University of San Carlos and Cebu Institute Technology-University where I graduated from with honors that include the Gloria Macapagal Arroyo Leadership Award and Deans List Recogntion, which are all phony and pretentious and soul-crushing awards that I think harmed me more than helped, but for which I am still grateful.

Eighth, these universities have no Skin In The Game in that when their students graduate and can't get a job because the knowledge fed to them by the schools don't match the demands of the market, the universities don't seem to pay the real price. In fact, they seem to get richer. In Hammurabi times, when the building an architect builds collapses, the architect is punished by death. Where is that now, San Carlos, UC, STC, and UP Cebu?

Thank You For Reading A Film Instead of Watching One. 

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