Showing posts with label where to eat in cebu. Show all posts
Showing posts with label where to eat in cebu. Show all posts


How President Duterte and Fatcow Burgers Can Help Hungry Cebu

Cebuano Problem : 

There may be two kinds of hungry Cebuanos: the "I Can Buy Ten Burgers Just For Fun" Hungry, and the "I Come From Abusive Parents In A Corrupt Government, So I Just Dig For Food at I.T. Park Trash Cans" Hungry.

I figured I'm of the first kind. The street children I can ultimately do nothing about because the universe has its reasons why suffering exists, is of the second kind.  

I learned more about how the universe doesn't seem to care about our suffering by watching John Lloyd Cruz' Honor Thy Father, and reading Albert Camus. Google it.

Anyway today I found out that FatCow Burgers and Malts is now at Robinsons Galleria; they opened here a year ago.

I read somewhere that FatCow milkshakes are wonderful. So with the facts above, I asked myself: If I had P100,000, what would I do?

Answers for Cebuano Problem:

1. I would go to Fatcow Burgers and buy 100 of the most delicious Angus and Sirloin burgers they have, such as The Bbq Hawaiian and Notorious B.I.G., which I both sampled and liked . I would eat one, and go to Vicente Sotto Hospital and give away the rest and feed random patients, overworked nurses and underslept doctors there, unless they refuse to, for diet restrictions.

I would also buy them Fat Cow Vanilla milkshakes, the malted kind, not the regular one, because it's so good, I caught myself saying I wanna marry it. In Japan, you can marry a comics. Maybe in Cebu, we can marry a Vanilla Milkshake?

2. I would put up a Duterte's Kitchen near Capitol where homeless people can just eat Fatcow burgers for free, provided Cebu City CCTV can prove they've been homeless for at least 3 days. 

I would stock the Duterte's Kitchen with all the Fat Cow milkshakes and burgers everyday because Fat cow says they use premium beef and the homeless deserve the best. (Insert your laugh here).

But a nutritionist should maintain the place to make sure the homeless don't forget to eat their fruits and vegetables first. Hehe.

3. I would not recommend Cebuanos to follow this suggestion because of hidden risks in building a Duterte's Kitchen. This idea is for me alone. Or you can follow it at your own risk. 


Solution for President Duterte From Snowvinz

Dear Your Excellency, President Duterte:

If you're at SM Seaside City and crave a sweet cold treat after all that stressful week fighting drugs and corruption in the Philippines, visit Snowvinz and try its snoball. I tried it and its swabe fluffy-to-creamy flavor tastes not just good, but EXTRAJUDICIALLY good. Hehe. Get it?

Snowvinz Is The New Dessert Place President Duterte Can Visit 

If you need more reasons, which I don't think you need because good taste is good enough reason as long as it's not harmful eaten in small servings, then here are more reasons Bisaya Short Films wishes you President Duterte to try the treats at Snowvinz:

1. Snowvinz was kind enough to treat us Cebuanos a FREE Taste of their concoctions during a food carnival event at SM!

The gvernment is about giving free roads, parks and other perks to people. Snowvinz' act of giving is the same thing.

Being generous is also a value of The Duterte Presidency and so this act of generosity by Snowvinz ideally makes it worthy of your support. We don't hear Starbucks or McDonalds giving away FREE Ice Cream, do we?

2. Snowvinz is made in Cebu!

Yes, their equipment and idea is shipped from New Orleans but the brand itself has origins from Cebuanos.

Meaning: Cebuano entrepreneurs are risking themselves like heroes to make Cebuanos' snacktime fun.

And why would we support The Foreign brands first if our own is just as good or better?

To support the foreign in this case is sort of mad. Or at least unpatriotic. :-)

SnowVinz Is The New Dessert Place In Cebu That Showcases Cebu's Best

And is it not that the Federalism you want is about supporting regional businesses, President Duterte?

So when choosing between a foreign and local brand to buy your Sundae Cone from, the Federalism advocacy you push, President Du30, guides you to go for the local first before the foreign. The local brand here is Snowvinz.

In another note: making things small is an advantage because it lessens the risk of complications inherent in Big things. Remember the Financial Meltdowns in the U.S.? You know, the banks got too big and that's why they failed and damaged global systems and those big guys didn't pay the price. 

That said, McDonalds and Starbucks are too big now relative to Cebu, and they're not original Cebuano products. But Snowvinz is. 

Also, supporting The Smaller and Start-ups is the more civic-minded thing to do.

And so when you come here to Cebu, make sure to drop by Snowvinz first before the Western brands. Then tell your Followers to try them, too. 

And then tell all our government employees to watch the movie Vince and Kath and James because it's a fun unpretentious well-written story about teenager politics. It's not related. Or is it ?(insert Ang Lahat Ng Bagay ay Magkaugnay song) Just Google how they can watch it.

For birthday catering of Snowvinz Ice Cream and discounts, please email me through the email box on the left.

A Bad Richard


Why You and Superstar Brad Pitt Should Eat At Ahooy Makan

Dear Reader Who Is Not Brad Pitt: You should try the food at Ahooy Makan, if:

1. You approve of tasty but affordable Larsian-style Filipino, Korean, Chinese, Macau, and Singapore food done inside a nipa hut. Click HERE for directions to Ahooy Makan.

2. You agree with J.R. Tolkien that "If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world. "

3. You want to try the Lasagna, Ginabot, Pochero Bacolod, Fried Oreo ala Mode,  and The Most Wonderfully Priced 69-peso Shrimp In A Buko Bowl that I consider to be the best ever, or at least for as long as I can remember. Click HERE for Hi-res photos of the food.

Tip: When you visit Ahooy Makan, ask the staff if they already fixed the "flies attacking your food" issue.

If you're Brad Pitt, then here's my personal letter to you on why you would like Ahooy Makan:

Dear Brad Pitt: How are you? I'm Richard, a Filipino. 

How's Angelina? Are you by any chance making any film with The Greatest/Most Despicable Filipino Filmmaker Today, Lav Diaz?

Anyway, the chief of Ahooy Makan is Chef Marc, and he gives out Php5 for every meal you purchase to his Chef Marc Group of Charities, an organization that feeds unfortunate children and has partnership with the Big Guns in the Non-Profit Industry, such as Tom's Shoes and World Vision. 

Like you in your movie Big Short and Angelina Jolie in her movie The Big Heart, Chef Marc's passionate about helping the weak.

It's dangerously tricky to use the "Support Our Products Because We Donate To Charity" Business Strategy, Brad, because The Napoles Scam taught us that we should not trust charities. 

But I still choose to trust Chef Marc's intentions because I trust that if anyone cheats the Cebuano people,  there'll be a Cebu Blogging Community Blogger who will blow the whistle and expose the truth. Or at least die trying.

But Richard, what if all the Cebuano Bloggers are paid by the Deceiver to not report the deception?, you ask. Then, my dear friend Brad Pitt, reading the Absurdist Philosophy of Albert Camus is probably your answer. 

I use the word "probably" because there might be no answer. Also, if you want to learn more about How Charities Cheat, here's a video from The School of Life. 

Regards ko's imong mga anak, okay?

And now here's The Talented Aileen Singing Inside Ahooy Makaan, Giving You Goosebumps Because Her Voice Is Divine:

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