How President Duterte Can Help Hungry Cebu

Cebuano Problem : 

There may be two kinds of hungry Cebuanos: the "I Can Buy Ten Burgers Just For Fun" Hungry, and the "I Come From Abusive Parents In A Corrupt Government, So I Just Dig For Food at I.T. Park Trash Cans" Hungry. I figured I'm of the first kind. The street children I can ultimately do nothing about because the universe has its reasons why suffering exists, is of the second kind.  

I learned more about how the universe doesn't seem to care about our suffering by watching John Lloyd Cruz' Honor Thy Father, and reading Albert Camus. Google it.

Anyway today I found out that FatCow Burgers and Malts is now at Robinsons Galleria; they opened here a year ago.

I read somewhere that FatCow milkshakes are wonderful. So with the facts above, I asked myself: If I had P100,000, what would I do?

Answers for Cebuano Problem:

1. I would go to Any Burger Station and buy 100 of the most delicious Angus and Sirloin burgers they have, such as The Bbq Hawaiian and Notorious B.I.G., which I both sampled and liked . I would eat one, and go to Vicente Sotto Hospital and give away the rest and feed random patients, overworked nurses and underslept doctors there, unless they refuse to, for diet restrictions.

I would also buy them Vanilla milkshakes, the malted kind, not the regular one, because it's so good, I caught myself saying I wanna marry it. In Japan, you can marry a comics. Maybe in Cebu, we can marry a Vanilla Milkshake?

2. I would put up a Duterte's Kitchen near Capitol where homeless people can just eat Fatcow burgers for free, provided Cebu City CCTV can prove they've been homeless for at least 3 days. 

I would stock the Duterte's Kitchen with all the Fat Cow milkshakes and burgers everyday because Fat cow says they use premium beef and the homeless deserve the best. (Insert your laugh here).

But a nutritionist should maintain the place to make sure the homeless don't forget to eat their fruits and vegetables first. Hehe.

3. I would not recommend Cebuanos to follow this suggestion because of hidden risks in building a Duterte's Kitchen. This idea is for me alone. Or you can follow it at your own risk.