Not A Movie Review of Beauty and The Beast at SM Seaside City

Dear Cebu: Undecided on whether Beauty and the Beast at SM Seaside City is worth your money? A taxi driver I know in Cebu City said that when you have to choose between two things, take neither. 

That said, I'm watching the movie again because it's that good/bad. This time in 3D. Now below is what is not a movie review. Here's its trailer:

A. The movie officially opens tomorrow, but Bisaya Short Films went to an advance screening yesterday to "help" you decide whether it's worth your money, and so here's a blog that I don't want you to read because this is not for you. It's an IQ thing.

• B. I say "help" because one, you never ask a barber if you need a haircut two, a barber always says you need a haircut to get your money. I'm the barber here.

C. Skip this, but you know what? You're going to change your mind anyway, so why read what is not a movie review?

Telling you to watch Beauty and The Beast is like teaching birds how to fly and birds already know how to fly, so why teach them? 

D. Is it because we want to exploit birds aka people and make money off people's ignorance? I learned that Birds quote from Nassim Taleb. Google him.

E.  Leave now! I don't want to pay for the price should Beauty and the Beast disappoint you, even if I'm watching it again after it opens tomorrow. Why? No reason, and to be alive is to detach from reason. 

G. Skip this, but people say Beauty and the Beast is overrated and dumb and should not be watched because it has a gay scene. That's a reason to watch it again. 

H. Better: forget all the words here and read all @nntaleb 's writings instead because he reminds us, like in this movie, that love without sacrifice is theft.

I. Skip this, but Limousine Driver Nassim Taleb is better than many of us bloggers in Cebu who generate more garbage in the streets and create more traffic and noise and confusion for Cebuanos because when we recommend, say, a restaurant, call center agents flock to that place, and then increases traffic in Escario area and more restaurants mean more garbage.

J. But we bloggers are also here to help you not waste your money. So we're here to help AND cause you harm. We're both, like everyone. Hurray!

Now back to what is not a movie review of Beauty and the Beast:

1. Beauty and the Beast at SM Seaside City made me gasp and shriek a wow in awe during the Be My Guest Musical number , maybe because it was like watching the majestic Coen's Brothers' movie Hail Caesar but with the most fantastic dance numbers and choice play of colors and the exciting song selection that withstood the test of time so well that it made me feel the power of the arts, the lustre of words, their beautiful  meaninglessness, that made me remember what life is not about and made me forget for a minute how the real enemy here is the silence of the universe/God that doesn't seem to care if we kill an ominous disenchanted brooding animal that threatens our values.

Dammit, it's Albert Camus' existentialism.

2. Beauty and the Beast is surrealism and Lynchian because it features tables, chairs and candelabra that talk. Surrealism means anything can mean anything. 

And so this means the movie has infinite meanings and only means what we want it to. A freedom of meanings! Challenge accepted! Let's play:

First, Beauty and the Beast can mean that it's a movie about Extrajudicial Killings, where a mob of irate people just want bloodshed just because it feels human to kill and evolution thrived because the weak die while our bodies become stronger when cells die.

Beauty and the Beast at SM Seaside City is also about people who tell you how to talk and write and tell you that they hate your writing because it's dis

join

ted and incoherent, knowing deep down

that hatred is disguised love.

Second, Beauty and the Beast can mean that it's about how we should deal with toxic people like Gaston and Lumiere and how the real enemy is ourselves. Ourselves who roll eyeballs at unsophisticated statements like the previous sentences because it sounds unstylish and clogged, and we're all about looking cool and detached because beauty is currency.

Third, Beauty and the Beast is a movie about how depression and non-acceptance can imprison you the way the Beast imprisoned itself/himself.

Fourth, Beauty and the Beast is about how our attachment to the past and impatience of the future makes us want to devalue our present.

Fifth, Beauty and the Beast is about the movie Paterson.

Sixth, Beauty and the Beast is about how I can only recommend people to watch this movie at SM Seaside City because you might have an inferior experience elsewhere. I had superior Large Screen Format experience at SM.

Seventh, Beauty and the Beast is a symbolism of how Cebu City generates dumb citizens who worsen the traffic situation because of universities like University of San Carlos and Cebu Institute Technology-University where I graduated from with honors that include the Gloria Macapagal Arroyo Leadership Award and Deans List Recogntion, which are all phony and pretentious and soul-crushing awards that I think harmed me more than helped, but for which I am still grateful.

Eighth, these universities have no Skin In The Game in that when their students graduate and can't get a job because the knowledge fed to them by the schools don't match the demands of the market, the universities don't seem to pay the real price. In fact, they seem to get richer. In Hammurabi times, when the building an architect builds collapses, the architect is punished by death. Where is that now, San Carlos, UC, STC, and UP Cebu?

THE END OF THE BISAYA SHORT FILM.

Thank You For Reading A Film Instead of Watching One.