How To Ignore The Global Warming And Still Live An Awesome Life

"Marine organisms mistake them for food and nibble on them, leading to their death. " - by Anna Oposa on the dangers of plastic in Definitely Filipino's blog post "one sachet at a time"

Then why bother trying to save ourselves from the supposedly environmental hazards of plastic when we can simply blame it to the fact that animals, specifically Marine organisms, are plain dumb beings who deserve to just die? Hey, don't get me wrong: I hate animals. Because it's not like there's even a theory that we humans are by-product animals of time's evolution, right? Even the most blasphemous couldn't bring themselves to saying that God is a dolphin because that's not in the Bible along with everything else that I personally don't approve of. It's not like there's even a theory that can say we're like them and shut up about the fact that I look like a monkey. Why should we think of that when we know there's God that knows what's best for me? Whatever the environment problem is, I'm pretty sure God has enough lifeboats to give us when the iceberg's about to reach my home. Like what happened in Ondoy. Which no matter how you argue it, I know God has a plan for that too. Just see and wait. And don't be reasonable and stop worrying about that idiotic fact that you no longer live where cats don't. And not for the reason that you're above them, cats. Although in a way you kind of are, but let's not get into that for argument's sake.

Also, who said that Fish matter? The science that says Global Warming exists which you clearly know is just pure fraud that's out to stop you from purchasing 18 more iPhones because it's your dream to get complete hearing loss not by using one music player for 18 straight days but by using 12? The 6 others are used for paper weights. Because isn't that also your dream?  And even if fish really do, it's not like we can't find healthier versions of them in Pork, Lizard Intestines, Polar Bear innards when they die of exhaustion because of melted ice, Panda Rind which is a healthier option than Pork Rind (Yummy! Can't wait for the end of the world!) and everything else we can buy in a sachet, right? If you're having a hard time, here are more suggestions for you to get an awesome life while we're at it:

1. Buy 12 more cars. But always be careful: if you can't afford it, just try delaying the purchase. I know it's unimaginably hard for you to only have 7 cars which you each only use once every 2 years, but remember the teaching of your religion: have some patience. If you own a taxi-rental shop, wait for your friend that they ignorantly accuse as your crony to pass the law that will charge extra rental against the Taxi drivers and then enable you to pump more profit out of them. Because if it's between their struggle to survive and your prerequisites to contentment, would you be stupid enough to choose the former?

 

2. Don't Read. Why is there a need for you to enjoy the pleasure of reading that is so cheap, it doesn't even going to cost you even one millionth of the price of your car? Do you want to be associated with being cheap just because it can make you smart when you of all people know nobody could be smarter than a person who has 15 houses, 12 spouses and 13 cars? You're so luxurious, you don't even need to use them because why bother going out when there's 100 pirated videos you can watch at home and 16 hundred bucks to buy pizza and eat with?

Anyway, I just realized that there's no point telling you more suggestions since there's not that many you haven't already heard of. You're the epitome of reason so to listen more from people's poor egalitarian beliefs is obviously a disgrace to your kind.