What I Am After Watching Persona by Ingmar Bergman

1. I'm not as much worried now as I was when a day would pass without being able to talk to people I'm struggling to un-label as friends. I have unfriended everyone on Facebook; closed the account for a day, but reactivated a day after. I went to a grocery and was brought down by the weight of having so many options before me, and yet the thoughts I have that Ingmar Bergman's Seventh Seal had seemingly given a good outline of, still slow me down enough to want to eat more cheap ham and DIY burger steak. I threw away half of the bubblegum Sundae from McDonalds, which I thought was a sign of success of my having still a want of self-control. The importance of wanting - wait, I'm finding it hard to remember whether I watched Persona before or after I went to the grocery and was saddened by a self-talk. The eating of the burger steak was definitely after watching Ingmar Bergman's penis intro in Persona.

2. There's a persona I maniacally enjoy wearing when I am with friends, but detest when I'm no longer with them; wait, what is a Persona? I have probably at least 10 of them, these personas that helped me cope with what I could only call emotional inconvenience, but are also the same personas I always judge to be unhelpful and dangerous to prolong. I am probably easily just a mix of these all, and have nothing to worry about. So I tell myself: Never judge yourself whether you're authentic. There's a kind of shallowness that isn't dumb, and is actually a derivative of wisdom and this is what you have to sustain., I think. There's a time and space that this feeling is existing, haunting you to the possibility of endless pain after you slash your wrist, the realm of the great unknown, and yet you think of the shallow and remember there's another burger patty to toast and a new sentence to feel, I think.