How Pizza Republic Can Become A Pizza Monarchy

Problem: You're trying to make a name as the ultimate pizza hub in a cursed commercial plot in La Guardia, Lahug where previous businesses miraculously got shut down and you're still in soft opening to get the feel of the area and asking yourself, How Can I Make This Republic A Parliamentary Monarchy and Not Be Doomed by the La Guardia Curse?

Solutions:

1. Serve good old plain service water. Shun pretension. We get it, you love Picasso and want your walls to show your privileged taste and you don't serve water because you always want us to seperate ourselves from our money, but if you don't understand the most mystic link between Cebu restos' propensity to succeed and The Bisdak's unassuming most basic need for drink, you are doomed to perish. We see your love for the massess through how much you want us not to thirst, and without the mass, there will be no republic to speak of. Or maybe there is: you can forget the free service water, and just wait your way to becoming the kind of republic Philippines is. A republic filled with a Napoles.