Jackie Chan's Dragon Blade Is About Everything Because China Makes Everything

Albert Camus The Philosopher said that the beauty of Greece is that it's extremely neutral. They don't do extremes. They don't die for the worship of reason, nor abandon beauty for the name of God or something like that I dunno I'm not the Greece nerd. Anyway, them Greeks never take themselves seriously, like the makers of Danielle Lee's movie, Dragon Blade.

What makes Dragon Blade fun is that it's shallow and it knows that. Which is ironic, because you know that the movie's about an alternate history where the Shakespearean drama in Rome is set in China. This is shown at the start to have been discovered by satellites, lasers and a cast member of the Korean pop group F4. No, I'm not kidding. F4 is really here.

In short, the movie is a futuristic but ancient, tragic musical comedy epic, filled with a love triangle, dance numbers and construction workers who build weapons so fast, my friend thinks they're employees of Dakay Construction. 

So basically the movie's about every known movie genre there is. Which makes sense, because this movie is made in China, where everything is made.

Words I CANNOT use to describe Dragon Blade: pretentious, deep, beautiful as a whole, non-postmodern, movie with tasteless cinematography, racist

Special Mention: Jackie Chan's dubbed voice makes him sound like he's chewing some Pancit Canton. Pancit and Canton are chinese words haha I'm making a joke.