How Not To Be Bored And Lonely By Watching The Funniest Show On Earth Right Now
Problem: You're bored and all of your friends are practically dead.
You cannot go to the mall because your ex might be there. You can't stay at home because you've been there for days, and any minute now is a breakdown.
You were told that you think too much of yourself, and you need to pray more, or find a job that gets you a career. You don't want all of them because something's not right yet of your present.
Something unknown needs to be fixed. Then suddenly, you want to dance, but that's just not what a non-crazy person would do. What should you do?
Solution:
1. Go to the an internet cafe where there's air-con that you're not paying and fastest internet that you're not paying. If you use alcohol after your internet use, then there's no worry on getting fungi from the public computer keyboard. The Filipino Internet System is most conducive to writers because:
a. You sit beside women who bring their children at midnight while they select husbands from a website and where they ask their kids, "Kinsa may gusto nimong himoong papa, dong?"
b. You can sit beside a man whom you swear is a university professor and who you will see do something with his UTENSIL while staring at his cubicle's computer screen.
2. View the Hack Into Broad City episode on your left and watch everything about Broad City and learn feminism, existentialism and postmodernism in a style that the Filipino Genius Vice Ganda successfully perfects. Broad City is the funniest TV show you're not watching right now, and you're the loser for not doing so.
Ilyana and Abby in Broad City should make a Bisaya Short Film where they go to Colon Street and taste I Love Siomai and where they can re-enact Broad City's: The Knock-Offs episode with all the Made In China bags across Gaisano Metro Main (because there are more than a million Gaisanos in Colon)
3. Party alone! Or go to Merkado Sugbo and try 21 Dubs, and tell me if I should try them or if I should feature the store for a Bisaya Short Film.
Bisaya Short Films was there tonight together with OLX, Food Panda, Sun Cellular, Surfin Ribs, Banana Pancake Trail and Jewel of Duyog. I was at the booth of OLX to win some pens, but they can't give me the prize because I should download the app first.
When I told the girl that she should trust me that I would just download their OLX app at home, she said I should come back tomorrow. Apparently, she has trust issues.
