An Open Invitation for Justin Bieber To Visit Gibbs' Hot Wings In Cebu And Help Emotionally Hungry People To Cope With Pain

Dear Justin Bieber:

Chapter 1: Gibbs' Hot Wings

Hey, how are you? You should come by here in the Cebu, Philippines and have the Film and Media Arts produce you another version of your music video for your surprisingly wonderful and wise song, Love Yourself. 

You can feed your production cast some Gibbs Hot Wings and let them try their Insanely Hot Chicken Wings; they're the Hot Wings that any decent Food Lover you'll meet in Cebu would tell you to try. The wings don't suck, they're affordable and paired best with home-grown Cebu beer. I'll just presume you love to drink stuff made locally, because Beliebers are all about conflict-free, progressive, high-up-there kind of living. 

And these Gibbs' Hot Wings are annually building a premium reputation, and you know the story of Aldub's McDonalds store, right? Where it all started with this just little store and now it's conquering the whole world? Cebu City's Gibbs' Hot Wings might be about that any time soon, I'll bet on that, and I wrote a comprehensive paper on why (email me at bisayawriter(at)gmail.com) . You can help boost Gibbs' Hot Wings and the Entire Filipino Empire's economy faster if you visit the place yourself. Call me.

Chapter 2: Love Yourself

Anyway, I'm also writing you this letter because the first time I heard your Love Yourself song, it was two days before my girlfriend walked out on me after I proposed to her a break-up, and I just have to tell you this because your song just moved me so well, that I might be listening to it in a loop the way I looped The Walkmen's Everything Who Pretended To Like You Is Gone, which my ex thought was Everyone Who Pretended To Like You Is God. Have you heard of the album? The band already broke up, but it's the most important album you will have heard in a while, and I strongly suggest you listen to it, write a song about it. Or not. I'm all about not telling what people should do.

Until you can bring yourself to start being honest with yourself you will continue to be an emotional vampire in your interpersonal relationships.  Once you acknowledge your truth you must began to do the inner work needed to heal the hunger and to raise your self-esteem and self-worth.  For that part of your work a licensed and truly understanding psychologist goes a long way. - Nikki Nicole

So anyway, I'm just thrilled to my cheeks hearing a song about a reverse idea of the "Love Yourself" cliche, and if people just won't have a knee-jerk reaction about your song and if they could think beyond the stereotype built on the assumption that Any Justin Bieber Song Is Trash the way David Foster Wallace taught people how to reframe boredom and anguish, they wouldn't be depriving themselves of the insightful joy that I got from reading up on the lines of the humbling song you wrote that I could feel to my cartilage to be written straight out of a guy who did every decent thing a boyfriend can do to treat a girl nice, and then he's still mistreated. 

It's as if, the girlfriend is threatened by how good of a boyfriend you are that she is scared and angry that she couldn't do the same, and this incapacity to not give back makes her feel, I don't know, dysfunctionally small. And that's bad for her ego, and survival, so to bring her back in equal footing of the boyfriend, which is you in this scenario, Justin, she attacks you, and lashes out on your competence, so the power, she feels, is now hers.

From everything I’ve read about this “spark” we feel is actually based upon old negative emotional programming that we developed as children in our family of origin.  Say for example you grew up in a home where your father was emotionally unavailable or distant and you had to fight for your father’s attention and affection, you are likely to go on and find someone who you “spark” with that is essential the emotional carbon copy of your father.  This is the horror I woke up to when I realized that Mr. Narcissist was the emotional equivalent of my mother. - Nikki Nicole 

I am also grateful to realize that your song understands the problem almost in medical and clinical terms. I can't shake off the interpretation in the line "then you should go love yourself" that your song is implying that those who are so mentally ruptured or emotionally damaged or psychologically incapacited to care for others should just simply:

A. go Love Themselves the way they want to, which sometimes means "They Will Hurt Other People Just So These Emotionally Unhealthy People Can Feel Happiness Because They Don't Know Any Better", and you as the partner should just run to the hills because these Hurters will drain you of your color or drink your blood or sacrifice you for their own survival.

B. go check themselves in a Therapy Institution/Intervention/Emotional Rehab Center with Parents/Family/Doctors as Support Group, where they can sort out all the emotional trauma that usually springs from a broken family or faulty ubringing and that usually leads a boyfriend...

• -to be emotionally hungry and mistake it for being in love (Click here for more about Emotional Hunger )
• -to not know how to love even in the most Webster Dictionary terms
• -to hurt his parents
• -to backstab his friends,
• -to steal 
• -to betray his employer, 
• -to pathologically lie, 
• -to shout at his girlfriend for no reason, 
• -to wish ill of others, 
• -to wish to punch people in the face just because it makes him happy, 
• -to do drugs, 
• -to leave his girfriend for the sole reason that he wants more and he feels like he's stagnating
• -to not let anyone in inside his world,
• - to use sex as a form of putting his girlfriend under his beck and call, 
• -to use sex not for love, 
• -to use sex to manipulate his boyfriend, 
• -to use sex just for nothing,
• -to want to kill himself
• -to shut people and ideas down
• -to be a perfectionist 
• -to eat junk that he knows will hurt him but he needs it for pleasure
• -to want pleasure too much that he feels sick, 
• -to drink, to want to kill, to smoke, to want to destroy lives just to achieve set goals the way Tywin Lannister wants, and, most horribly, in my own personal experience: 
• -to have an emotional affair with other girls (emotional affair is when you're in a relationship with someone but you're still flirting out with other people because you need other people's attention to survive your miserable, emotionally deprived days, even if the emotional affair hurts your partner).

Chapter 3: The Conclusion

Replace boyfriend above with girlfriend, and the same mathematical formula works. I know this because I was this, Justin, and I've done so much therapy, that I become this annoying entity that shoves the idea of therapy and good healthy food to anyone I meet, even to the risk of their judgment and their "How Self-Righteous And Hypocritical Are You To Tell Me What To Change About Me!" defenses. 

I shove my idea of therapy for selfish reasons because I benefit from this. The desperate man in me thinks that if women I potentially want to be in long term relationship with would hurt me less, then I can get the partner-in-life I fantasized to get. Which could mean: I'm being a perfectionist, and that means I still have a lot to work on with my personality.

You know what I’m talking about: the person whose self-esteem is so low that no matter how much love and affection you show them it’s never enough.  It’s like it goes to some black hole. - Nikki Nicole 

But wouldn't it be nice Justin if you started this sort of Emotional Calamity Prevention Program and get funding for an organization that offers therapy for those girlfriends/boyfriends who will be judged by a jury of psychologists and social scientists to be so emotionally turbulent that they have to get therapy? If they don't get therapy, the Government will not issue them NBI Clearance or something.

For that part of your work a licensed and truly understanding psychologist goes a long way.

Those are those feelings that we’ve been tapping down and covering up with the use of relationships, food, sex, drugs, etc.  They all serve as a distraction from the real issue which is this pain at the heart of love hunger. 

Like, a boyfriend has the right to complain to the government that his girl is being damaging and then an institution can intervene to sort things out? This is pure Utopia talk, but at least we can start somewhere, and at least we have a blueprint of what might work, even if I'm a firm believer of Albert Camus's Existentialist Meme that nothing means anything anyway, and we're all just in this absurd existence. 

Either way, I'm listening to Love Yourself right now because I'm still in love. And I think I'm going to win her back. Or at least love her from afar. That said, have you heard of Lav Diaz, Justin? He's a phenomenal director that I think you'd like to follow if you're feeling experimental and you like to watch a 5-hour-long film. Here's a trailer of his movie, Norte, The End of History:

Yours,

Not Mine