5 Things About Everything That A Bisaya Learned From Stealing Tim Kreider's We Learn Nothing

1. We learn nothing.

2. We learn everything, but only a part of it. Okay that doesn't sound right. I don't think I agree with Kreider's thoughts on how we should just sever ties with people who are mentally sick or who drag us down and abuse our kindness to smut. But I don't think I have a good reason for my disagreement, other than denial.

3. We are like cats; we shun people who show their affection, we crawl towards them when it is deprived of us. Kreider had a line about our appreciation of life only when we're in the middle of a jungle and we're holding honey and a horde (or school? Bears like fish. Ergo, they ARE fish.) of bears lunge towards us.This is true, but I love bears, and if there's death, then I should just share it with them. I'm kidding, but not that part.

4. We Cebuanos should read his book because it mentions David Foster Wallace and James Salter, the two writers you should know more about because you're probably religious and you're probably so smart, you think Ferdinand Marcos is cool and that we should always ignore the street kids and we should always bullshit our friends with our brilliant lies.

5. We should believe in peak oil. That's right, bay. Mahurot ang oil gipanggamit for your Hummer and more genius cars. Tough shit, right? Now deal with it. If you're the genius kind, buy more iPhones and iPads and forget about other poor people's plight and enjoy life now, and who cares about the immorality of buying iPads professionally made by 8-year old kids when you know God is with you? God is with me God is with me God is with me. Me. Me. Me.