Today You Are Sad But Not Anymore Because Here Is Your Answer

Problem:

Here's a problem your mother wants you to solve: you are in love, the Love At First Sight kind. You went to the first ever Cebu Hot Wings Eating Competition by Gibbs Hot Wings, and there you saw a girl you're willing your heart to be broken by. 

You want her so much that you can ignore the fact that her immaculate left hand is holding a guy's hard pleasure-giving right arm. And they look so good a pair, you assume that they're just as in love with each other as you are with her. This sadness and point of desperation annoys you. What do you do?

Solution:

1. Eat Your Sadness Away

Diamond Suites Hotel's assortment of cheese for people who are
sick of the Christmas staple Queso de Bola.

I don't mean you to be stupid and get to the nearest 7/Eleven and drink high-sugar soda, eat high-diabetes chips and shove your mouth with plain old sadness-flavored doughnuts. 

What I mean is treat your palette, and let it live and forget that there's sadness in seeing your Ellen Adarna being snatched away in front of your tears-repressed eyes. 

What I mean is go to a buffet that aspires to fine cuisine, delivers the promise of food satisfaction and reminds you that whatever the question, whatever the confusion, whatever the hurt,

FOOD IS THE ANSWER.

Diamond Hotel's recently lunched P500-Buffet is one of those answers. Their buffet set-up just opened last Oct 3, 2015 and now they're here for you to make you less sad. 

They have Italian and Asian Buffet nights, so you can eat there and pretend that you're in an Italian film made by Fellini and any minute now someone will sit beside you, a woman of great taste and culture, a woman of your dreams, she sits beside you and proposes that you both go somewhere private. You know, like in a private hospital because she's bleeding and she needs your help. 

Bonus Tip: Go request for Diamond Hotel's Meatballs, which I tried, and which was so good, I called out the chef to give him my compliments. Yes, I went to the chef and told him: Wow, chef, you're really losing weight! That is the only compliment chefs need.

2. Watch Bisaya Short Films

Just Youtube Search Bisaya Short Films or Medyo Maldito or HaringBuang or YayaDub, and watch all your sadness away with all the glorious comedy of Filipino and Cebuano talents that any minute now will be pirated and stolen by the China and America to the demise of Philippines. Hurray, our best talents work overseas because they will be poor in our country!

You can also watch the Bisaya Short Film Music Video of Vispop Festival 2015's Buwag Balik, and experience 21st century heartbreak through wonderful music. 

Sure enough, thinking there's no forever should make you feel better that you and Ellen Adarna are not together.

Also, the Bisaya Short Films today are mostly what The Haters would call pretentious philosophical (#BigWord) meditations on the universe's liberating randomness and how its beauty makes the desperate still want to live. This statement will make you yawn. Ignore it.

You can instead watch the silent anti-silence Bisaya Short Film "Hangin" (see above) on Youtube and experience this yourself. In this short film, you can witness how innocence is as fleeting and yet as constant air, and how the concept of childhood innocence is the revving fuel of the ominous success of Philippines YayaDub and Alden Richards' skyrocketing success.

Thinking about this reminds you that love in front you is just some air that passed from behind. In other words:love's a fart.

3. Join in the next Cebu's First Ever Hot Wings Eating Competition by Gibbs' Hot Wings.

I mentioned few posts back that Gibbs sure would become the next Mang Inasal in that it has so much potential, that The Jollibee Empire might soon buy out Gibbs' creators and will make Gibbs' Hot Wings their bitch (female dog) the way Mang Inasal, as chizmiz would put it, is. 

Gibbs' disrupts the Philippines' Food Industry Game, and Everyone Who's A Somebody waits out what the future holds for the kind of hot wings that I consider as of October 2015 my gold standard for all the Hot Wings known to mankind. Dear Gibbs' Competition: prove me wrong.

There you have it. The three answers to your heartbreak. If these don't make you feel better, then you must be going mental. Go to the nearest shrink.

THE END